Ghosts

Jas’ post the other day that said he liked “Ghost Hunters” made me start thinking of all the things over the years that have been witnessed in this house.
I spent 2 years sleeping in the basement bedroom. Many, many nights I would wake up instantly, in the middle of the night, terrified and unable to open my eyes or move. I ALWAYS felt like I was being watched.
When my sister got a little older, she tried to take that bedroom. Didn’t last a whole night.
Multiple times, we have heard a baby cry, and mumbled voices.
Once I was in the shower that used to be in the basement, one of those 1930s metal boxes with the solid doors with piano like hinges. I was home alone, my sister was at a friend’s house and my mother was at work. Suddenly, a Barbie doll came flying over the shower door. I jerked open the door, and no one was there. I opened the bathroom door, which has a pull view of the stairs, and no one was there. I grabbed a towel and ran upstairs, and no one else was there.
Many nights we have all lain awake while loud, unexplainable noises would go all night.
It is a common occurrence to see shadows moving in the living room.
Just a couple of months ago, at about two am, Rick was trying to find something in the pantry, on a lower shelf. He was on his knees, and someone kept pushing the door against him until he fell over. He moved the door, and no one was there. He checked, and everyone else was sound asleep.
We are lucky that our room is in the new part of the house, and we don’t get any activity in this room, but we do have to walk through the living room to get to the bathroom. Most nights its fine, but some nights I walk through the living room and I don’t look around - it feels like several people are there, and they have just stopped what they were doing to watch me walk through the living room.
There are many other little things I could mention, all the childhood photos of me and/or my sister with white streaks, and smoky hazes in them, noises, the Native American man who spent an hour alone in the house and vowed never to return.
Don’t ever try to tell anyone in my family that ghosts don’t exist.

Take the quiz:
Which soda are you?

Root Beer
You are one of the originals and you are proud.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

More of my boring life...

You know, this was one of those days at work that everything went wrong.. I am so glad to be home!

I bought the new Hank Williams jr. CD that came out on Tuesday... It's fabulous. I got a $10 tip the other day at work, so I used that to buyit since itwas only $9.72 at Wal Mart...lol

I have been doing absolutely nothing but working... Haven't even had time to go fishing.

On that Murder-suicide here in town, they decided that he had planned to rob the store, and didn't know anything about guns,and accidentally shot A.J.They think he was in the store for an hour between shooting her, and deciding to shoot himself. Very sad.

Rick has been working for the last couple of days with the cement guy. thats going to help.

Oh, and for those of you who know me from way back and read my other blog... Hawk IM'd me on Tuesday evening. I just about fell out of my chair. We just exchanged plesantries, and they he logged off so his daughter could use the computer, but right before he logged off he said he missed me..... Makes me wonder what he's up to... *sigh*

Sorry I don't have anything better to tell... I just seem to be on auto pilot these days...lol

I want to live anonymously

The following is what happens when I let my imagination just ramble…
You all know that I really want a place in the country, and chickens, and a huge garden and herb garden… But part of me, wants this:

I want to live anonymously.

I want to live in a third floor walk up.
I want to wait tables, and sell stories.

I want to order in Chinese food, and
Shop at farmers markets.

I want to fall asleep in my
Brick walled
Bohemian apartment to the
Flash of neon.

I want to decorate with velvet,
Scarves, and beads.

I want to return to the
Kohl black eyeliner
I used to live in,
I want to live in black leather.

I want to live my life without
Spectators.

© 2006, Amethyst Rising

My kind of love song....

Ok, now any of you that have read this blog more than once probably know that I hate love songs. I don’t belive in romance. I don’t believe in happy endings.
So when I heard this love/I’m sorry/breaking-up song, I laughed out loud… this is the best love/I’m sorry/breaking-up song I have ever heard… And I'm sory if my redneck tastes offend you...
Thank you, Shooter Jennings…lol
(I think you can hear part of it at shooterjennings.com

Aviators

(speaking)
Now darling, I know we've had our problems lately and you've left me after all these years and I know I probably could've treated you better along the line I've seen my mistakes like that time that I took you to Waffle House and you made me mad and I made you walk home in the rain but you never got my sense of humor anyway no you never laughed at my jokes

I never meant to hurt you
I never understood the hillbilly things I do
If our love don't work now darling maybe later
You can't see the tears behind my aviators

(speaking)
And oh I know I probably should've come home more often on those long lonely winter nights but you know out of all those women I was always your number one And I'm sorry about that time I got drunk and hit on your mom and slashed your daddy's tires but I figured they had it coming and I'm sorry about that time that I accidentally shot your dog while I was hunting and I told you he ran away oh wait a minute I told you that didn't I? Oh darling

I could never share those secrets of my heart
I feel so much closer to you now that we're apart
If our love don't work now darling then maybe later
You can't see the tears behind my aviators

Reruns, pt.I

I went back on the old blog, and found a few entries that I liked.. not neccesarily ones that got a lot of comments, but ones that I liked...
Here is the first one I found, from the first month of that other blog...

June 27, 2004
Time in my garden
I spent some time in my garden this morning, after work. Nothing like a quiet Sunday morning, cup of coffee sitting by, pulling a few weeds, and really taking the time to see every new leaf, and bud in my small garden. Granted, its nothing elaborate, but its still my favorite form of "stress relief".
Here in this tiny town in southwest Kansas, Sunday mornings are so still, and most of the time all I can hear is the mourning doves calling. There is an old shed at the back of my garden with a large ivy patch. I set up my little garden bench there, and while the ivy slowly grows up the wrought iron legs of the bench, I sit and contemplate the meaning of life in the swirls of my coffee cup.

My favorite people...

I am a list maker. I have running lists in my head about several things, and the “People I most admire” list is one of them. It’s not always the same, and often I will see a movie or read a book and become obsessed with one person or another. It is always very eclectic, and I can’t always verbalize the list, or why certain people are on that list.
Everyone should have a list like this, made up of writers, actors, politicians, clergy, parents, sports figures, relatively unknown people in your home town, even fictional characters.

My Grandmother, of course, is number 1. I will have to tell you some of her stories some time.
My son, who, at 8 has already taught me more about the world than anyone. Even with his disabilities, and the kids occasionally making fun of him, he loves people, and is the most empathic person I know. He is happy ALL the time. No matter what. Look up the phrase “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” in the dictionary, and there is a picture of Isaiah, smiling out from behind a lemonade stand.
Sir is very far up there. I have never met such an intelligent, tough, open minded man with such a soft heart (that he hides from all but a lucky few!) with such a sense of honor….
My high school Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Kendall, is on that list. She was an amazing woman, perfectly poised, yet down to earth. Wife of a farmer, mother, and the ultimate teacher, she taught me everything I know about sewing, cooking, organizing, and budgeting that wasn’t already taught to me by my grandmother.

There are a few actresses that I admire. Bette Davis, Lauren Bacall, Meryl Streep, Audrey Hepburn. Actors, from Sidney Poitier to Robert Duvall.

People from the political world like Eleanor Roosevelt, or Ronald Reagan. (That list is sadly short!)
Musicians, like Melissa Etheridge, Ann and Nancy Wilson, Grace Slick, Loretta Lynn, Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson.

The longest part of the list is, by far, the writers. There are so many writers, whether for their skill in writing, like Toni Morrison, (Read the opening lines from her book “Jazz”: “Sth. I know that woman, She used to live with a flock of birds on Lenox Avenue. Know her husband, too. He fell for an 18-year-old with one of those deep down, spooky loves that made him so sad and happy he shot her just to keep the feeling going. When the woman, her name is Violet, went to the funeral to see the girl and to cut her dead face they threw her to the floor and out of the church. She ran, then, through all that snow, and when she got back to her apartment she took the birds from their cages and set them out the windows to freeze or fly, including the parrot that said ’I love you’.” - Is that just an amazingly creative opening? I was just floored at how that flowed, and how it made me want to read more - if only to see what the heck she was talking about - maybe it‘s just the wanna-be-writer in me, I don‘t know…lol) or their skill in detailed storytelling, like Stephen King (talk about details!) or Anne Rice.
Even writers with prolific careers talented in just taking me away for awhile, without ever getting bogged down in deep intellectual thinking, like Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts.
The writers of classics awe me in their ability to think something so important, detail a historical event so movingly, or create such an important story, that their words become classics, like Harper Lee, or Anne Frank. Or the poets, like Maya Angelou, and Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Even the poetry (and songs) of Jim Morrison.
Poets have a huge part of my heart, since I wrote poetry for so long…
I really need to write again….

Who are the people you most admire?

Kris

I guess I must be getting old, because these are current pictures of one of the hottest men in America to me, and he turned 70 yesterday...




Born June 22, 1936, in Brownsville Texas.

Did you know he has been in 86 movies starting in 1971 with “The Last Movie”?

From "Me and Bobby McGee", to "Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down", in my opinion he is the best somgwriter in history.

“(06-21) 16:54 PDT Nashville, Tenn. (AP) --
The voice on the other end is gruff, familiar, and, to be honest, a little intimidating. "I was about to pick up the phone and track you down," Kris Kristofferson grumbles, sounding like that mob boss he played in the Mel Gibson movie "Payback" several years ago.
Soon, though, the reporter's 10-minute tardiness is forgotten, and Kristofferson, who celebrates his 70th birthday Thursday, turns cordial and introspective.
He will appear in the film "Fast Food Nation" later this year and is the subject of a new tribute album, "The Pilgrim" that has artists as diverse as Gretchen Wilson, Patty Griffin and Brian McKnight covering his songs. The album arrives July 11.
Despite leaving Nashville years ago, Kristofferson continues to be an important — almost mystical figure — in the city's musical history. He's the former Rhodes scholar who turned down an appointment to teach literature at the U.S. Military Academy in West Point, N.Y., so he could come to Nashville to write songs. He worked as a janitor at Columbia Studios while Bob Dylan was recording his 1966 landmark album "Blonde on Blonde," and once landed a National Guard helicopter on Johnny Cash's lawn to hand the star a tape of his songs.” (Rest of this article HERE)

More info about me that you probably didn't want to know

Jason was kind enough to send this to me, and I filled it out for your amusement!

1. FIRST NAME?

Anita (please don't laugh - i am pretty proud of it these days, read #2 to find out why!)


2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

A Waylon Jennings song called "Anita, You're Dreaming" I met him once, and told him I was named after one of his songs, and he said "Your name must be Amanda".
I said "No, it's Anita." and he said "I didn't think anyone remembered that song."

Waylon heard my dad sing it in a bar in Pheonix Arizona once,back in the early 70s, and told my dad that he sang it even better than he (Waylon) did.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

The last time Sir and I talked on the phone - October 2005
No, that's a lie, it took months to quit crying in the middle of the night after that...

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Yes, but it's different every day

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

I can't tell you - most people hate it, and I don't want you looking at me funny

6. KIDS?

three... 8 yo son, 20 yo daughter, 48 yo husband

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS
WITH YOU?

sure - I love lost puppies and underdogs...

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?

only my blog

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Who me?? nah... not me....

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

yes - although they swell up and hurt a lot, and i wish they were gone!


11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

NO NO NO!! I hate heights, and I have too much back, neck and hip problems to even consider it!!

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?I love cereal, but I usually only eat oatmeal now... When I was a kid I loved them all... cap'n. Crunch, Lucky Charms, Life....



13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

no... not even my lace up cowboy boots, I just unlace them without untying them...lol
although I usually am barefoot or wearing flip flops
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

I know I am..

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

anything chocolate, but my favorite NAME for ice cream is Cherry Garcia because I LOVE the Grateful Dead

16. SHOE SIZE?

9 1/2 on one foot, 10 on the other - I know, huge....

17. RED OR PINK?

Red! Pink is too girly girl

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

I still tend to put myself down... I have no will power

19. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My grandparents - followed closely by Sir

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?

I want to see my readers answer it - if comments is too long, email it to me or put it on your blog!

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

dark blue jeans, nothing on my feet but Marilyn Monroe red toenail polish and a silver ankle bracelet

22. LAST THING YOU ATE?

leftover spaghetti when I got off work

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Shooter Jennings

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

After carefully studying my son's box of crayons, I choose Atomic Tangerine

25. FAVORITE SMELL?

I am one of those people who really pay attention to scents... I love so many! That Coty loose powder in the little round gold box covered in a powder poff print - that smells like my grandma; Lilacs, that reminds me of my mom; The smell of diesel at 5 in the morning as you're crawling out of the sleeper in a damn nice Peterbilt; Sandalwood; fresh cut grass; the smell of my son when he's just out of the bath; my dog's fur; I can't choose just one!!



26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE
PHONE?

Someone calling the front desk at work wanting "Room 126" for the 8th time this evening...

27. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE
YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO?

intelligence and confidence

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?

I adore the person that sent me this! I would be lost without him...

29. FAVORITE DRINK?

Currently my non-alcoholic fave is Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke,and of course lots of black coffee, my alcoholic fave is Bud Light in a long neck bottle or tequilla shots - margarittas aren't bad, as long as they aren't frozen - frozen drinks are too girly girl.... But I drink more water than anything...

30. FAVORITE SPORT?

I love watching NFL - go Chiefs! And I like NASCAR too, but I can't sit still lomg enough to watch a whole race on television

31. HAIR COLOR?

Dark reddish blonde... hard to describe, really...

32. EYE COLOR?

brown, sometimes greenish, occasionally black

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

nope

34. FAVORITE FOOD?

I love all types of veggies, and chicken, and anything Mexican my biggest weakness if it's around is chocolate cake with chocolate icing

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING?

Scary movies! Happy endings are too unbelievable

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Breakfast At Tiffany's - I really don't watch too many movies...

37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

white fitted button up shirt

38. SUMMER OR WINTER?

summer! gimme that heat!

39. HUGS OR KISSES?

Hugs

40. FAVORITE DESSERT?

chocolate cake with chocolate icing, although I love any kind of cheesecake too
41. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Jules


42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Everybody else


43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?

Just been reading cheap cop/spy novels at work

44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

I have a roller mouse thing (whats it called?), and no pad - the last one I had said Gateway, and wore out

45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV?

watched part of Saved - also read a 289 page book last night, cover to cover

46. FAVORITE SOUNDS?

My sons voice; music; mourning doves; red-winged black birds; a really nice Harley roaring by; Jake-brakes;

47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Stones Favorite stones song? "Honky Tonk Woman"

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

Too many to name, darlin'...lol

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In the Pratt Kansas Hospital, lived in Pratt about 1 month before moving here to Hick County where my mom's family has lived for generations

What did N.O. do to deserve this...?

First New Orleans gets hit with a natural disaster, and now a manmade one is brewing...
(Full story HERE)

I took the Quirky Quiz from Jas' blog... And got these shocking results...lol

Your Quirk Factor: 84%

You're beyond quirky... You're downright bizarre. You've lost touch with social norms and what's appropriate. And you're loving every minute of it!

How Quirky Are You?

Hick County Shaken

About 11:30 last night, my daughter came barging into the house, all freaked out.
A girl she knew, who worked at our local little five and dime store down on main street, had been murdered.

The girl had been trying for several days to talk a co-worker out of committing suicide. He supposedly was an outpatient at the local mental health facility. (They bring mental patients from several counties to Hick county to put them in “supervised” homes so they can live on their own) He went into the store last night,while she was closing up, shot her in the face, killing her, and then shot himself.

I know to some of you this might not be a big deal, but there hasn’t been a murder in Hick County in at least 35 years. This is a big thing here.

My daughter was very freaked. I don’t think that she was close to the girl, but they knew each other, and had mutual friends.

The hardest part was that she was the single mother of a 3 year old boy. I can't imagine having to tell him that his mommy isn't even coming home again.

I just hate to hear people talk about the guy like he was evil or something. He is as much a victim as she is. Why did his psychiatric counselors not know he was this bad? Where did he get the gun? No one will ever know all the answers, but I think our mental health center is going to be answering a lot of questions.

Blah...

Have you ever had several days go by and it feels like you are just so busy - but you're not doing anything out of the ordinary? It feels like I haven't had time to do anything lately, and I have nothing to show for it...LOL

Went to work today. Managed NOT to dump the dang cart...lol.. I went in really early and got the cart with the good wheel locks on it.

Rick and I are doing amazingly well... Things just sort of "clicked" the other day, and it's going really well. I just hope it lasts!

I just saw the video for that song I posted the other day, "6th of November". It's a really great video. The man who the story is about is in the video, along with a lot of footage from Viet Nam. They did a great job on it.

I have to clean these stupid bird cages again... I hate cleaning bird cages!
She had laid 6 eggs, but the time is past for the first one to have hatched, so I don't think any of them will hatch - thank God!! I didn't know what I would do with MORE birds!! Two is enough...

I just seem to be at a loss for something to write about today.. I wanted to post something, but there is nothing going on, nothing in my head to write about... Hopefully I will be able to post something interesting over the weekend.

Sunday morning coming down....

I forgot to tell you all about Sunday morning!

Rick and I used to have a paper route on Sunday mornings in a nearby town. When paper sales went down, our route was cut. Two weeks ago, they called us back. It's only on Sunday mornings, takes about 2 hours, and we make about $100 a month.
Anyway, this past Sunday we went fishing for a couple of hours afterwards, and got to bed around 5 am.
At 8 am, Isaiah came in , saying he didn't feel good and crawled in bed with us.... Moments before puking all over me! Talk about coming straight out of a deep sleep! UUUUGH!!
WE got me and him cleaned up, and then dealt with a sick son for a couple of hours until I convinced him to take some Pepto, which although he thought it was going to be yucky (which I still think it is!) he decided that it tasted like candy hearts...LOL. He went to sleep after taking it and woke up perfectly fine. Unlike the way I woke up that morning after only 3 hours of sleep!!

Two Dead, Two Missing in Costa Rica

Two southeast Kansas teens are dead and two other Kansans are missing after strong currents swept them away on a Costa Rican beach.

The school superintendent in southeast Kansas' Labette County says about ten students from Labette County High School were on a trip to Costa Rica.

Three of the students apparently got caught in strong currents yesterday off a beach about 180 miles south of the Costa Rican capital of San Jose.

Eighteen-year-old Danielle Tongier and 17-year-old Andrew Harpstrite are confirmed dead. A 17-year-old student -- Jessica Pierce -- and 26-year-old teacher Brett Carlson are missing.

A witness said that Brett Carlson saved two or three other students from drowning before he was drug under in the currents.

What's going through my head today...

I went to work this morning. It had been raining, but it cleared by the time I got to work. Saturday, I was working the front desk and a guy came in, he’s staying there until the end of this week. He was such a flirt!! Very cocky…
This morning, I had to clean his room, but I didn’t clean the sink in his room… He had all his dirty underwear piled in the sink! Yuck! What is that all about?? Jeez…
I love working the front desk, because I miss the contact with people I had at my old job. Plus, most of the time is spent reading…or watching television. I read an entire book in the 6 hours I was there on Saturday. One of the books written by Ben Carson, M.D., called “Think Big”, ‘Unleashing Your Potential For Excellence’. It was a very good book. He is very inspiring.

I didn’t secure the wheels of my cart on the last room this morning, and it fell off the curb onto someone’s car!! Thankfully it didn’t hurt the car, and because it didn’t fall clear down, it wasn’t too hard to straighten back up… made me feel pretty stupid, though! I also twisted my knee and dropped the vacuum cleaner on my foot… just not my day!! LOL
Rick is working for Arrow this afternoon, putting up a fence down at the Co-op. How many people do you suppose there are named Arrow? I am pretty sure that is his first name. He’s a really cool guy.

I am getting so sick of not having my own house! Even if Rick gets a full time job, mom thinks we should stay here until we get all the medical bills paid. Which, in all fairness, would probably be a smart thing to do, but I want my own space!!! (Stomping my foot)
I believe, though, that God has the perfect house in the country just waiting for us at the right time. (Speak those things that are not as though they are, right Jules? LOL)

Great new song...

I don’t know how many of you listen to country music, but Big and Rich have a great new song out called “8th of November”.
The song is based on the bloody experiences of the guy who gave Big Kenny his top hat: Deadwood, S.D., bartender Niles Harris.
Back in 2002, a pre-stardom Big Kenny admired the Deadwood barkeep's hat. Harris gave it to him, and Big Kenny has worn it during countless "Save a Horse" escapades since.
Because of that innocent friendship between a bar band and a barkeep, Harris told the singers what happened Nov. 8, 1965, on Hill 65 in War Zone D.
Harris, 19, was among the 173rd Airborne troops outnumbered at least 30-1. When what Harris calls "a complete war for eight hours" ended, he was seriously injured and 48 of his comrades, as well as more than 400 of the enemy, were dead.

(You can go to http://www.bigandrich.com/ or http://www.cmt.com/artists/az/big_rich/artist.jhtml to hear a clip)

He said goodbye to his momma
As he left South Dakota
To fight for the Red, White, and Blue
He was 19 in green with a new M-16
Just doin' what he had to do.

He was dropped in the jungle
Where the choppers would rumble
With the smell of napalm in the air
Then the sargeant said, "Look up ahead"

And like a dark, evil cloud
1,200 came down
on him and 29 more
They fought for their lives
But most of them died
In the 173rd Airborne

(Chorus)
On the 8th of November,
The angels were cryin'
As they carried his brothers away
With the fire rainin' down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standin' that day
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November

Now hes 58
And his ponytails grey
But the battle still plays in his head
He limps when he walks,
But hes strong when he talks
About the shrapnel they left in leg

He puts on a grey suit
Over his airborne tattoo
He ties it on one time a year
And remembers the fallen,
As he orders a tall one
And swallows it down with his tears

(Chorus)
On the 8th of November,
The angels were cryin'
As they carried his brothers away
With the fire rainin' down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standin' that day
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November

Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965

(Chorus)
On the 8th of November,
The angels were cryin'
As they carried his brothers away
With the fire rainin' down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standin' that day

(Chorus)
On the 8th of November,
The angels were cryin'
As they carried his brothers away
With the fire rainin' down
And the Hell all around
There were few men left standin' that day
Saw the eagle fly,
Through a clear, blue sky
1965, the 8th of November

The 8th of November
The 8th of November

He said goodbye to his momma
As he left South Dakota
To fight for the Red, White, and Blue
He was 19 in green with a new M-16
Just doin' what he had to do.

Things about me you probably don't know...

After reading THIS story, maybe Rick will get his pack-rat behaviors under control. This is about the most unnecessary death I have ever heard!
I am one of those strange people who loves to organize. I lived in a townhouse for a couple of years, and my walk-in closet was a thing of beauty.
Those people who get paid to organize people's stuff? I can't even imagine getting paid to do that. Unfortunately, where I live, no one would even think of paying someone for that. There are women who clean people's houses, but that doesn't usually include the whole organization thing.
I have one whole shelf of my bookcase that is nothing but books about organization. My favorite website? Flylady.net. If you ever wished you had a better system for cleaning your home, FLYlady is who you need! My favorite book is "The 15-Minute Organizer" by Emilie Barnes. Is this strange or what?? LOL.. Once when I did the SAHM thing for about a year, my kitchen pantry was alphabetized, there were outlines on the shelf paper in the cabinets where the pots and pans went so that anyone putting away my dishes would know EXACTLY where on the shelf they went.
The first thing I do when I get really mad? CLEAN!
Lauren grew up calling me the "Queen of Clean". She inherited my love of organizing, although she also inherited Rick's pack-rat sickness, so she has a lot of work ahead of her, I'm afraid...LOL.
I have also had a lot of people who called me "Betty Homemaker"...LOL In 4 years of high school I took 5 home economics classes. I made my prom dress for my senior prom.

How anyone could let their house get like this couple's home is beyond me, but my heart goes out to the family for such a tragic death.

(Maybe this "Things about me your probably don't know" can become a regular Friday evening feature for a while, until I run out of things you don't know about me...lol)

Hooray!

Miracle of all miracles…. Rick went to work today.
Ok, it’s only part time, and he only worked 4 hours today, and it’s only $8 an hour…. But he’s working!
The woman that I told you about that I knew from work… Cindy? Her husband called Rick to help pour cement for a new sidewalk and driveway for a new home going up on the edge of town.
There is another guy, Arrow, who does construction and carpentry stuff that is going to be using Rick part time, too…. So it looks like we may actually be able to pay some bills, eventually…LOL

I was working on my links page, and Isaiah thought you all would like to play Dr. Seuss games, so I put that link on my page! That is from Isaiah to you…. LOL

End of my rope...

I gave Rick an ultimatum. He has until July 31 to get a job. (I know, pretty lenient)
He won't drive my truck anymore, if we need seomthing from the store, I will take him down or get it myself. I will not give him any money - I told him if he wanted pocket money he can get a job.
I am tired of this. A man should be a man and support his family. I am not opposed to working, and if I had a big paying job that could pay the bills, I wouldn't mind if he did the stay-at-home-Dad thing, (although he wouldn't ever get anything done but piddling in the garage) but I will never be able to make the kind of money he can when he gets off his a** and goes to work.
I am tired of living in my mother's house... It's not fair to any of us...

We will see how well the ultimatum works.....

Interesting night...

Well, we made an interesting trip to the emergency room last night.
We went fishing, as usual. Having a great time in fact, Rick and I had a great conversation.
I don’t know how much you know about catfish, but catfish had a fin on each side of their body. Those fins have a very sharp bone line spine that runs along the tip of the fin, most people call the ‘barb’ (I don’t think that is an official name for it…LOL). I had caught a fish, and as I started to unhook it, my other pole started jerking, so Rick told me that he would get the fish off for me.
As he grabbed the fish, it turned and stabbed his hand with the barb. The barb is called that because it is round, pointed, and has small barbs all along it – once it goes in, it is near impossible to get it out.
The fish was stuck on his hand, he was bleeding like crazy, and the fish kept trying to flop, burying the barb deeper and deeper. He got control of the fish, and I got a knife and cut the barb off of the fish. Rick tried to get it out of his had, but it wasn’t coming. It was buried too deep. (If you make and “L” with your thumb and first finger, the barb was buried just inside the webbed part, almost clear through Rick’s hand.

Here is some information I found online. HERE:
“Catfish Barb Punctures
Catfish barbs inject venom. The venom is heat labile and produces severe pain. Immersing the body part in very warm water minimizes the discomfort. Intravenous pain and antiemetic medications are often necessary. Because benzodiazepines make the effector neurons less excitable to the transmission of stimuli to the brain, they are helpful with the anxiety and fear.”
You can go HERE to see a small barb stuck in a man’s arm.


We packed up the truck, dropped Isaiah off and Lauren’s house, and I took Rick to the E.R.
The nurse cleaned it up while waiting for Doctor Chris to get there. He numbed it all around, and tried to pull it out, but it wasn’t coming, so he had to make a small cut in Rick’s hand and sort of dig it out. Rick said the 10 minute flushing out of the hole was the most painful part of the whole thing. That, and the tetanus shot. (You never know where that catfish has been…LOL)
So… Rick is in a lot of pain this morning, and we have a nice new medical bill to look forward to!
Our conversation last night made me really realize a few things.
He asked me if Sir changed his mind about Isaiah and came back for me, (which he would never do, by the way) would I go? I thought about it… And realized that the answer is NO, I wouldn’t.
It’s not Sir that I am longing for, too much water under the bridge, even though I will love him until I die. I made a commitment back in December to this relationship with Rick, and this is where I will stay. It’s having a strong, mature, responsible man and a good relationship that I am longing for…. (A love life would be nice, too, since that is completely non-existent now).
Rick used to be a lot better than he is now. I think maybe he is suffering from mild depression from not being able to get a job for so long. I don’t know, but I do know that I am committed to this relationship. Rick is whom I want to be with. That was actually a bit of a revelation to me.

Memories

We went out for a drive today, after going to the library. Wheat harvest has started, and Isaiah loves to watch the combines (especially the John Deere ones!). There is nothing as pretty, to my eyes, as a full field of hard red winter wheat waving in the wind against a brilliant blue Kansas sky… So many generations of my family were farmers; I think maybe it’s just in my blood… As a small child, I was just sure that I was going to marry a farmer…LOL

While at the library helping Isaiah pick out some books he can read on his own, I came across a lot of books that I read when I was a kid, out of that same library. There is a small table and chairs; the chair seats are about 6-7” off the floor… Tiny chairs… and I can remember sitting in them, reading… There is something to be said for staying in your hometown. Lauren was a fourth generation graduate from this high school… How often does that happen any more?

Today is the approximate birthday of Isaiah’s cat, Gracie. He is waiting for me to make cupcakes to celebrate said cat’s day – I supposed I should get to it…LOL

Today's History lesson....

During World War II, the Allied invasion of western Europe, which was launched on June 6, 1944 (the most celebrated D-Day of the war), with the simultaneous landing of U.S., British, and Canadian forces on five separate beachheads in Normandy, France. By the end of August 1944 all of northern France was liberated, and the invading forces reorganized for the drive into Germany, where they would eventually meet with Soviet forces advancing from the east to bring an end to the Nazi Reich.

1918 - The first large-scale battle fought by American soldiers in World War I began, in Belleau Wood, northwest of Paris.


1968 - Robert F. Kennedy, assassinated after claiming victory in California's Democratic presidential primary.

Chillin'

Went fishing tonight. Didn’t catch anything worth keeping, but I feel a little better.
Something about sitting down with your two-week paycheck of only $62 and looking through the bills can really make you panic.
I just need to remember, Rick is not who I receive my provision from, but God is, and he can provide what we need even if Rick doesn’t get a job.

Wheat harvest has started, and there is a chance Rick will be going to work temporarily for a local farmer to help on harvest. This time of year, I find myself wishing I had a CDL, just to drive a wheat truck for harvest… maybe someday…

I was also a bit discouraged because I miss some things about my previous life… But I guess you are supposed to be a new person in Christianity, right? Why do I still want to be the other person?? There is a certain submissive who I am crazy about, and who’s blog I read regularly, and I read her blog today – made me really miss the lifestyle… Made me get that Hawk craving again… Going out to the farm every couple of weeks for a 12-24 hour visit was a wonderful stress reliever…LOL Letting someone else be in charge for a while… I don’t get that anymore, I have to be “on” all the time… Oh well… I also was looking through a catalog with some great dragons, and witchcraft stuff, and I miss that too… I guess that alcoholics and druggies that become Christians probably miss their addictions too…
So I guess I am just a bit out of sorts today… Maybe tomorrow will be better…

Who am I trying to kid?

I’m really thinking about taking a break from blogging.
My life really sucks right now, that depression I thought I had beat is back with a vengeance, and I just can’t think straight anymore… not to mention the fact that there is nothing to write about…Nothing new going on, no chance really for anything interesting to happen.
I feel so tied up. I feel like I am at the bottom of a well with a ton of rock on top of me… No way I’m going anywhere… I just can’t figure out a way to make my brain accept that this is my life from now on… I can’t get rid of those longings to go places, and do things, and meet new people… experience life… without Rick there embarrassing me…Maybe I was not cut out to be a wife and mother, although I wouldn’t give Isaiah up for anything… Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be a wife…LOL

I just don’t think I am in any kind of mindset to be posting… Ya’ll will get tired of my depressing crap and stop reading! LOL

So if I don’t blog for a few days, I’m still here… I’m probably just sleeping…I’m so tired of trying to be positive – I feel like I am having to carry so much on my shoulders, and I just can’t keep it up… there is nothing good in my life anymore… I just can’t keep it up….

I have felt, for weeks now, the tears right behind my eyes, wanting to fall, but I'm afraid they will never stop....

Live as expected, Dream free....

Listening to some classic rock this morning. I usually don’t listen to it; too many memories.
Rick has a paper route that he does on Sundays that I help him with, and early this morning I turned the radio to a classic rock station. The first song, the one that was playing that made me stop and stay there was “Light My fire”, The Doors.
Now, there are not words to describe how obsessed I was with the Doors in high school. Never mind the fact that Jim Morrison died when I was 4! I loved them – the sound, Jim’s writing…
Now, I can’t enjoy the Doors without just a little twinge in my heart… They remind me of Sir… (they were his favorite band, although all we listened to really was the blues… which, by the way, I also love….)
Something about classic rock songs just makes me feel like a new person, with every song I change just a little bit…. Right now, “All right now” by Free is playing… Reminds me of being outside, some keg party somewhere, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other, dancing with my eyes closed and my bare feet in the grass… Wearing a Mid-Continent Harley-Davidson tee shirt… (I still have one in my closet, by the way, although this one is/was Sir’s) Smell of a hog cooking, maybe a whiff of pot coming from somewhere in the crowd… The Jovan Musk that all us girls wore back then... (come on, someone out there remembers it, square bottle? Orange lid? LOL) people laughing and acting crazy… Oh to feel that free just one more time….

Sometimes being a ‘grown-up’ is a drag, ya know?

The one who dies with the most toys is the emptiest....

(Edited from yesterday)

Rick recently ran into my former best friend and her husband and youngest son.
B. and I met in kindergarten, and clear through high school graduation and beyond were best friends. From sharing finger paints, to holding each other’s hair while we puked when we partied too much in high school, through marriage and childbirth, we were right there together. The one thing our friendship doesn’t seem to have survived is their monetary success.

B. has an important job in the billing department of a large hospital, and S. is a big wig in some publishing company. About 4 or 5 years ago, they sold their beautiful little three-bedroom house in a small town and moved to a suburb of one of Kansas’s largest cities, into a brand new 5-bedroom home. They have 3 kids, and I thought they would have ample room there. I was really happy for them. I have never actually seen the house, although I talk to B.’s mom all the time, and she had told me how huge it is. B. and I stopped talking not long after they built the house - I realized that the only time we ever talked is when I called her, and when I stopped calling, we stopped talking.
B.’s mom recently told us they are now looking for a bigger house. Not enough room for all the “stuff”.
(I talk to her mom a lot, and she tells me they don’t come down to see them much because they don’t have the same lifestyle here at her parent’s house that they do at home, and their lifestyle is too important to leave behind. They didn’t come one Christmas because all the presents they bought the kids wouldn’t fit into the suburban, and their kids would NOT be forced to open their presents from them on any day but Christmas!)

They have several vehicles, often trading in vehicles that aren’t even paid for, so in a sense, they are never really theirs. They have all the luxury stuff you can imagine; yet they are always thinking about what they want ‘next’. As soon as they get that, they see something else that someone has that they don’t, and that becomes the new ‘want’.

(Do you know what Rick and I are 'wanting' for right now? Three folding, canvas lawnchairs, so we don't have to sit on buckets when we go fishing! LOL)

I guess I just don’t see the point in never being satisfied. Never having that feeling of being content. What is it about ‘keeping up with the Jones’” that obsesses people? Is it just envy? Is it maybe an insecurity that makes them feel that they have to have so many things to prove their worth?

Right now I have less than I have had since I graduated high school, and yet I think I am more content now that ever. Getting rid of all the ‘stuff’ and just being myself, enjoying what I do have, and what I can share with others, that is what makes me happy. I like that fact that I am working on becoming debt free – which seems to be “Anti-American” these days…

B. and S. seem so far away from the down to earth people they used to be. I miss the friendship B. and I had.

Remember that commercial (advertising some kind of battery I think) with the “plastic” battery operated people? That is B. and S.; plastic, automatic, programmed. It’s like talking to body snatchers, who are living in the bodies previously inhabited by my friends. I actually feel sorry for them. They just don’t get it. I don’t think they would know contentment if it landed in their lap.

Someone once asked one of the men from the big money families (Rockefeller maybe?) how much money it took to make a man happy, and he replied, “Just a little more….”

Just another Friday

I went to work this morning. I have been working 2 days a week since I started. Since I only work about 4 hours per day, that doesn’t make for much of a paycheck, but it’s better than no paycheck.

The woman working in the laundry today, Cindy, is one of the most real people in this town. I have known her since the late 80’s, when we first worked together at Daylight Donuts. She recently got married to her perfect partner, Denton. They both have Harleys and do a lot of riding together. They are the type of people who do their own thing, and don’t worry about what other people think. She told me it was good that Rick and I were back together, since we had history together. I guess that is as good a reason as any to be together, isn’t it? I never really considered that point before. Denton owns his own concrete business. Cindy said that the next time he needed help she would tell him to call Rick, since Rick has done concrete before. That would be nice….

Just in case there is anyone out there who can relate to this, this morning I ended up cleaning the room that Sir and I spent our first night in… Making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, nothing bothered me until I started to push in the chair, and I remembered him sitting there, and me looking up at him from my knees…. Sigh
It was a good time in my life… I learned a lot about myself and about the world from him, and I will always be grateful… His life, according to his blog, sounds perfect for him, and I am very happy for him.

That silly cockatiel has laid another egg… We now have 6… She almost can’t sit on them all at one time…LOL I just hope that my suspicions are correct and none of them hatch!

Have you ever noticed that the things that annoy us the most about other people are the very things we are trying to ignore in ourselves? I have decided that I need to work on that… I made a list of the things about Rick that drive me crazy, and there are some that I need to work on. Since I can’t change him, I will work on changing me! Procrastination is one of the things on the list, so I had better get to work on my to-do list for today! (cleaning my truck inside and out, and cleaning both of the nasty birdcages….LOL)

Looking back... moving forward

I was thinking about all the things that have happened in my life in the last year. I went back to the other blog, and looked at June 1, 2005.
Sir and I were still just friends. I had no idea that he would be the cause of the greatest love I would ever feel for a man, and the most horrible pain I would ever feel over one.
Rick and I were just friends, I had the divorce papers filled out, but not filed. I NEVER would have thought I would take him back.
I spent most of my free time with Rhonda and Allan, and going on the truck with Andy, for those of you who didn’t read that other blog, he was a “friend with benefits”…LOL.
I was also still obsessing over Hawk a bit. I have seen him twice in the last year, going down the road… If Sir did nothing else for me, he got me over that obsession.
I was working many hours every week, working in stores all over the southwest district, paying all my own bills, and doing well. I had no idea that the company that I gave my life to would fire me for selling a pack of cigarettes to a 26-year-old woman without asking for ID. (Kansas state law ways you can’t sell cigarettes to a person under 18 – the store’s policy is that they had to look 27. This woman looked 30).
I would never have dreamed that I would come back to the Christian faith. But you know, if I spend my whole life as a Christian, and it ends up not being true, I am not out anything…. But if I spend my life as a Pagan, and meet God at the Judgment when I die? I have a lot to lose…. But it’s more than that… I am just not going to go into it here, in light of the views of some of my readers…
So many things have happened in the last year. On the outside, it looks a lot worse now than it did a year ago. I have learned so much, though. Some things that I wish would have worked out didn’t, and I have had to swallow so much pride this year… What is that saying about having to hit rock bottom before things get better?
It would be so easy for me to panic, and scream and holler and get ulcers over the current situations in my life. It would be so easy for me to have given up after sir left my life.
I guess I have never been one to take the easy route. I keep plugging away, and it keeps getting worse and worse, but sooner or later, that road has to start going up again. Doesn’t it? Sooner or later it has to get better, right?
I just keep concentrating on the good stuff, and trying to do what I can about the bad stuff without it getting inside of me, killing my spirit. Some days are much better than others, but I am still here. Still plugging away.
I can’t wait until June 1 2007, looking back from wherever I am then. I hope it is a much better place than where I stand now.