Looking back... moving forward
I was thinking about all the things that have happened in my life in the last year. I went back to the other blog, and looked at June 1, 2005.
Sir and I were still just friends. I had no idea that he would be the cause of the greatest love I would ever feel for a man, and the most horrible pain I would ever feel over one.
Rick and I were just friends, I had the divorce papers filled out, but not filed. I NEVER would have thought I would take him back.
I spent most of my free time with Rhonda and Allan, and going on the truck with Andy, for those of you who didn’t read that other blog, he was a “friend with benefits”…LOL.
I was also still obsessing over Hawk a bit. I have seen him twice in the last year, going down the road… If Sir did nothing else for me, he got me over that obsession.
I was working many hours every week, working in stores all over the southwest district, paying all my own bills, and doing well. I had no idea that the company that I gave my life to would fire me for selling a pack of cigarettes to a 26-year-old woman without asking for ID. (Kansas state law ways you can’t sell cigarettes to a person under 18 – the store’s policy is that they had to look 27. This woman looked 30).
I would never have dreamed that I would come back to the Christian faith. But you know, if I spend my whole life as a Christian, and it ends up not being true, I am not out anything…. But if I spend my life as a Pagan, and meet God at the Judgment when I die? I have a lot to lose…. But it’s more than that… I am just not going to go into it here, in light of the views of some of my readers…
So many things have happened in the last year. On the outside, it looks a lot worse now than it did a year ago. I have learned so much, though. Some things that I wish would have worked out didn’t, and I have had to swallow so much pride this year… What is that saying about having to hit rock bottom before things get better?
It would be so easy for me to panic, and scream and holler and get ulcers over the current situations in my life. It would be so easy for me to have given up after sir left my life.
I guess I have never been one to take the easy route. I keep plugging away, and it keeps getting worse and worse, but sooner or later, that road has to start going up again. Doesn’t it? Sooner or later it has to get better, right?
I just keep concentrating on the good stuff, and trying to do what I can about the bad stuff without it getting inside of me, killing my spirit. Some days are much better than others, but I am still here. Still plugging away.
I can’t wait until June 1 2007, looking back from wherever I am then. I hope it is a much better place than where I stand now.
Sir and I were still just friends. I had no idea that he would be the cause of the greatest love I would ever feel for a man, and the most horrible pain I would ever feel over one.
Rick and I were just friends, I had the divorce papers filled out, but not filed. I NEVER would have thought I would take him back.
I spent most of my free time with Rhonda and Allan, and going on the truck with Andy, for those of you who didn’t read that other blog, he was a “friend with benefits”…LOL.
I was also still obsessing over Hawk a bit. I have seen him twice in the last year, going down the road… If Sir did nothing else for me, he got me over that obsession.
I was working many hours every week, working in stores all over the southwest district, paying all my own bills, and doing well. I had no idea that the company that I gave my life to would fire me for selling a pack of cigarettes to a 26-year-old woman without asking for ID. (Kansas state law ways you can’t sell cigarettes to a person under 18 – the store’s policy is that they had to look 27. This woman looked 30).
I would never have dreamed that I would come back to the Christian faith. But you know, if I spend my whole life as a Christian, and it ends up not being true, I am not out anything…. But if I spend my life as a Pagan, and meet God at the Judgment when I die? I have a lot to lose…. But it’s more than that… I am just not going to go into it here, in light of the views of some of my readers…
So many things have happened in the last year. On the outside, it looks a lot worse now than it did a year ago. I have learned so much, though. Some things that I wish would have worked out didn’t, and I have had to swallow so much pride this year… What is that saying about having to hit rock bottom before things get better?
It would be so easy for me to panic, and scream and holler and get ulcers over the current situations in my life. It would be so easy for me to have given up after sir left my life.
I guess I have never been one to take the easy route. I keep plugging away, and it keeps getting worse and worse, but sooner or later, that road has to start going up again. Doesn’t it? Sooner or later it has to get better, right?
I just keep concentrating on the good stuff, and trying to do what I can about the bad stuff without it getting inside of me, killing my spirit. Some days are much better than others, but I am still here. Still plugging away.
I can’t wait until June 1 2007, looking back from wherever I am then. I hope it is a much better place than where I stand now.
posted by Amethyst Rising at 10:10 AM
2 Comments:
You know Am, I read your other blog. The entire thing. You have come a very long way since then. Maybe even circled back around. I am amazed how you've held up and kept up and tried to do your best in everything you do. I am proud of how you've handled yourself and the situations that you have found yourself in. You are an inspiration to me. I hope that you are still blogging in 2007 and look forward to comparing this year to next with you. Things do turn around, eventually. You have to keep the faith, keep knowing that you are here in this place now, for a reason. Once you grow in this place, you will go on to another. Keep learning the lessons. Keep feeling gratitude. Keep making the best of everything. Keep making lemonade!
jules
p.s. congrats on the 265 days!
Thanks Jules! You are a major part of my life, even if we have never met face to face! Always know I am so glad you are there...
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