Chillin'
Went fishing tonight. Didn’t catch anything worth keeping, but I feel a little better.
Something about sitting down with your two-week paycheck of only $62 and looking through the bills can really make you panic.
I just need to remember, Rick is not who I receive my provision from, but God is, and he can provide what we need even if Rick doesn’t get a job.
Wheat harvest has started, and there is a chance Rick will be going to work temporarily for a local farmer to help on harvest. This time of year, I find myself wishing I had a CDL, just to drive a wheat truck for harvest… maybe someday…
I was also a bit discouraged because I miss some things about my previous life… But I guess you are supposed to be a new person in Christianity, right? Why do I still want to be the other person?? There is a certain submissive who I am crazy about, and who’s blog I read regularly, and I read her blog today – made me really miss the lifestyle… Made me get that Hawk craving again… Going out to the farm every couple of weeks for a 12-24 hour visit was a wonderful stress reliever…LOL Letting someone else be in charge for a while… I don’t get that anymore, I have to be “on” all the time… Oh well… I also was looking through a catalog with some great dragons, and witchcraft stuff, and I miss that too… I guess that alcoholics and druggies that become Christians probably miss their addictions too…
So I guess I am just a bit out of sorts today… Maybe tomorrow will be better…
Something about sitting down with your two-week paycheck of only $62 and looking through the bills can really make you panic.
I just need to remember, Rick is not who I receive my provision from, but God is, and he can provide what we need even if Rick doesn’t get a job.
Wheat harvest has started, and there is a chance Rick will be going to work temporarily for a local farmer to help on harvest. This time of year, I find myself wishing I had a CDL, just to drive a wheat truck for harvest… maybe someday…
I was also a bit discouraged because I miss some things about my previous life… But I guess you are supposed to be a new person in Christianity, right? Why do I still want to be the other person?? There is a certain submissive who I am crazy about, and who’s blog I read regularly, and I read her blog today – made me really miss the lifestyle… Made me get that Hawk craving again… Going out to the farm every couple of weeks for a 12-24 hour visit was a wonderful stress reliever…LOL Letting someone else be in charge for a while… I don’t get that anymore, I have to be “on” all the time… Oh well… I also was looking through a catalog with some great dragons, and witchcraft stuff, and I miss that too… I guess that alcoholics and druggies that become Christians probably miss their addictions too…
So I guess I am just a bit out of sorts today… Maybe tomorrow will be better…
posted by Amethyst Rising at 10:19 PM
7 Comments:
i think sometimes fear of the unknown makes us stuck and makes us rely on old belief systems that supposedly will help us to overcome life's trials and tribulations..believe what you want to believe..trust whatever deity or religion gets you by..i honor that..but never stop knowing that there are other beliefs and power that is infinite..as long as it is for the highest good. i bless you and your family. i know how hard it is to maintain a relationship that you feel stuck in..although i am not a christian i do believe that everything happens for a reason and i hope this time in your life will encourage you to expand. a wise woman told me once that you need to make room in your life for new people, things, and ideas to come to you..i hope that happens for you..blessed be
Thank you for your wisdom...
I also believe that we are put into other people's lives for a reason, and that I was put in Rick's life because God knew he would need my strength... I just have to hang in there...
One of the first steps in Christianity is to deny yourself and take up your cross and follow Him...
Once you get to the place where you are walking the path He has planned for you, you wouldn't believe the happiness and peace you feel... It's just tuning into His voice that I am having trouble with right now... I used to follow that path and was blissfully happy, but I made a wrong turn womewhere about 1999 - Just trying to get back now!
Just a note to let you know I stumbled across your blog (while searching for "wheat harvest") and am praying for you! Do you have a good church to attend in your area?
Actually, the people here in the churches I have gone to are more interested in it being a social club than in actual bible teaching and praise... The sermons are not really teaching, they read some verses, relate a few stories, and the sermon is over in 15-20 minutes...And heaven forbid if anyone should offer an "Amen!", or raise their hands in praise... (Not that the sermons would cause such a reaction)
Although there are 2 churches here we have not attended, I am praying that God will show us the church He wants us in, even if it is in another town!
I know a few areas of Kansas, mainly central and south central... what area do you guys live in? Maybe I know a church...
Actually southwest Kansas... We still have a membership in a church in Pratt, but even though I enjoyed the fellowship and all the committees I was on, and Rick was a deacon, there was no teaching... and I would rather be involved in our own town...
thinkonit @ yahoo ... com. I've got friends in Macksville, Med. Lodge, Hutch, Sterling... Praying for you!
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