What a day!

4:30 pm, January 31, and it's 68 degrees. In Kansas no less! Amazing.
What a great day.
Should be easy to find 3 things to be grateful for today...

1. The life of Coretta Scott King. What an amazing woman she was.
2. My son, who is the coolest kid I have ever know. I would say that if he wasn't mine, too...lol (Being 7, he also gives me a great excuse to go see all the great kid movies!)
3. I am also grateful for the few readers I have left... Although I don't do this for others, and I don't do it to get comments, I do like hearing from other people, especially since I don't have much real-person contact right now.

I have a new painting in my head... Planning to start on it tomorrow.

Well, getting ready to go feed apples to the neighborhood squirrels... And enjoy the rest of this beautiful day...

Happiness

The book I am currently reading has a very interesting theory about happiness. The book is "Happy Yoga", by Steve Ross. He points out that when we want something, getting it is not what makes us happy, it is the end of wanting that is happiness. Getting what you want isn't what makes you happy, being free from want is. If getting that new car was the key to happiness, you would be happy forever after you get it - but you aren't. It might make you happy for a while, but sooner or later you will be unhappy again, and there will be something else that you think will make you happy if you get it... It just keeps on going like that.
True happiness is the lack of want.

I try very hard to stay in that position of just being happy existing, of not wanting what I don't have. I usually do very well, materialistically anyway. Material things have never been that important to me, having a great relationship that goes beyond friendship is something I struggle with, though. I have had a relationship with someone that was exactly what I wanted... How do I settle for anything less now? Most days I do very well... Just focusing on the next thing, and not letting my thoughts go too deep. That seems to work well for me. I try to stay very busy.

Anyway, I really am enjoying this book, I have learned a few things. Right now I am in the chapters about diet, and what this book says about dairy products, and meat is enough to make me want to be a vegan! Not that it would be much of a change for me, all my favorite foods are veggies anyway.
There are some more great things in this book I plan to share eventually, when I get around to writing about them.

Maybe, in addition to my reading, I should incorporate the idea of a "Gratitude Journal", as suggested by Jayne. She says 5 things a day... I think I would run out of things pretty fast that way, maybe 2 or 3 a day? What would I be grateful for today...

I am grateful for:
1. The weather... 55 degrees, only a few clouds, and the wind is only blowing 13 miles an hour, which is almost no wind at all for this area.
2. The new/used computer I am now using that doesn't shut down all my windows every little bit like my old computer did!
3. The fact that my house plants are still alive... And seem to be thriving, believe it or not...lol

What'll they complain about next??

I received the most incredible thing in the mail from Planned Parenthood. Three "Letters of Objection" to sign and mail, one each for the CEOs of Wal-Mart, Target, and Winn-Dixie.
According to PP, these companies have policies that if a pharmacist is opposed to birth control, they do not have to fill a woman's prescription.
Not the "Day-after pill", we are talking regular birth control pills! That is so insane! If you don't approve of certain drugs, don't be a pharmacist!!!
Next thing you know, those who believe that HIV is caused mainly by homosexuals will be able to refuse to fill prescriptions for AIDs patients. Opposed to smoking? You don't have to fill the prescription of the man suffering from emphasema. When does it stop? It's crazy.
I guess it won't hurt for me to sign these and send them in. I don't always agree with Planned Parenthood, so I never actually send them money, or "join", but this is worth my signature, if they are correct.

Busy signal

I have had serious pain in my joints for years now, my back, neck, hips and knees, and the last few days have been excrutiating... My knees are so swollen, and hurt so bad... I really haven't been able to concentrate on anything with the pain like it is... I had a decent day yesterday, but must have overdone it, today it takes all my energy to breathe.

Have you ever felt that the universe was trying to tell you something - But you couldn't quite hear it? Like something is just around the corner... Or you are trying to receive some very important bit of insight, but you just can't quite get the connection?


That is how I have felt for days now. I need to be learning something... My "next step" perhaps, and I somehow get the feeling that I should be meditating more... Concentrating on getting whatever this "message" is. . I am going to concentrate on making time to meditate... My mind "hears" better that way...

I have been painting... I am working on a western landscape with a cowboy on a horse riding through a river in silouette against the dusky sky and a mountain range. Should be done with it tomorrow. My thoughts seem to flow better, too, when I have a pencil or paint brush in my hand.

Great article

I found a great article on energy in the Imbolc '06 issue of "Cauldrons and Broomsticks".

..."One particular definition of energy might be “Energy is a fundamental quantity that every physical system possesses; it allows us to predict how much work the system could be made to do, or how much heat it can produce or absorb. In the past, energy was discussed in terms of easily observable effects it has on the properties of objects or changes in state of various systems. Basically, if something changes, some sort of energy was involved in that change”. In my opinion, so far as magick is concerned, the most important part of that statement is: if something changes, some sort of energy was involved in that change.
This does gives us something of a clue about the nature of energy. It cannot be created as it is something which already exists by virtue of the fact that “every physical system possess [it]”. It cannot be destroyed, only converted into a different form. For example, the wheel of a bike spins by virtue of its energy. To stop the wheel spinning, that energy is converted to heat by the brakes.
And so to magick. The energy we use already exists, both within us and without us. After any ritual or magickal operation, we can either be left feeling pretty much ok; bursting with energy as a result of not using all of the energy we have drawn into ourselves; or exhausted. The exhaustion comes about as a result of using our own energy rather than drawing any in from 'outside' and so leads to our reserves becoming depleted. The exhaustion will normally continue until we replace that energy by resting or from eating. But where does the outside energy come from and how do we draw it into ourselves? "...

Magic is... (one author's interpretation)

I recently found a very interesting definition of ‘magic’. This comes from the introduction in a book called “The Elemental Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells.”
The closest comparison one might make is to radioactive energy. That, too, is formless, cannot be seen, touched, or smelled. Yet it’s impact is profound and cannot be denied. Because nuclear radiation has had such a devastating impact on our world, it’s difficult to recall how recent a discovery it truly is. Marie and Pierre Curie, and the other early scholars of radioactive energy, were visionaries. They recognized the existence of something that others did not. Not everyone believed in their theories, including many very educated people, in much the same way that people say they don’t believe in magic. Many thought the Curies deluded, crazy or just incorrect, at least until the power they sought had been unleashed with too much force to ever be denied.
If anyone tells the story of Marie Curie’s quest in simple terms, it resembles a modern-day fairy tale. Marie, laboring obsessively in her lab/shack attempting to extract and develop the philosopher’s stone, that legendary substance reputed to bestow eternal youth, health, and life.
In a sense, Marie Curie extracted the anti-philosopher’s stone. Modern day fairy tales are sanitized for children; today’s adults are uncomfortable transmitting the truths contained in them. Real fairy tales - the original versions - don’t always have happy ending, just like the tale of Marie Curie doesn’t. Marie’s quest ultimately led to her death; many of her surviving books, materials, and tools are so packed with the deadly power into which she tapped that even today they remain too radioactive to handle.”
“Magic is the manipulation of Earth’s naturally occurring powers in an attempt to provide the spell caster with the success and happiness she or he desires.”
“Magic power is inherent on Earth; people didn’t create it, imagine it or make it up. By various means, they learned how to use it: magic spells are the result.”

Most modern medicines are derived from botanicals. The magical properties of certain botanicals is not that much of a stretch. Magnets and copper bracelets are widely used for therapeutic properties, other minerals having healing properties is not that much of a stretch, either.
I have learned enough now, that I can feel the power just by concentrating for few seconds… I can feel it build inside of me when I focus it. Other people have been able to feel it from the palms of my hands when I touch them with the energy focused on my hands.
There is no doubt in my mind that magic is a relatively new name for an ancient flow of natural energy.

Interesting turn of events...

Believe it or not, I have sold a painting.
Not a painting really, not yet… The woman has told me sort of what she wants in the painting (landscape with lots of sunflowers…*yawn*) Which will take about $5 worth of stuff, and two hours, and she is paying me for it, and I don’t even have to frame it! Imagine… Someone other than my family wanting one of my paintings… That is so cool, even if it’s a boring landscape! until recently I had only one of my own paintings, the first one I ever did in 8th grade. I have another one stored away somewhere, I really need to get that one out.

I have three of my paintings on my own walls now. These I did just for myself, and then my mom wanted one for her, and it is hanging in the courthouse now, in her office. She is the county clerk. That is how the other woman saw my work. This could be cool if I could sell a few more… One at a time, though! This painting will keep me in supplies for a little while longer…

Going to buy some supplies tomorrow. I love new supplies!!!
I uses acrylic now, it’s so much easier to clean, and dries faster, but I miss the smell of the turpentine I used with the oil paints… I actually have a little bit of turpentine in an old coffee can that I open up occasionally just for inspiration… Turp and linseed oil… Love that smell… LOL

Nothing good ever stays that way....

I have been blogging for a couple of years now.

I met people through my first blog that I was very close to... But they changed, and created new blogs, and we drifted apart.

I had a few people from my last blog and this one that I felt close to. They are beginning to drift, too.

No matter how still we stay, life changes anyway...

I feel like I am standing on a railway platform, and my friends have just boarded a train, and are pulling out of the station. I just stay here, waiting on another train to bring new people... And then they will move on, and I will wait for another train....


Beginning to wonder why I even bother? Why should I even care?
My daily average of readers has plumetted, and people I felt close to don't stop by anymore... Should I just move on, find new people who I might get to know, or should I just call it a loss and shut it down?

Tagged by Jayne...

Layer One
Name: Amethyst Rising
Birthdate: 2-16-67
Birthplace: Kansas
Current Location:Kansas
Eye Color: very changeable brown
Hair Color: half a dozen different shades of light brown and blonde
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Sun Sign: Aquarius
Innie or Outtie: Innie

Layer Two
Your heritage: Irish, English, Cherokee(my Great grandmother was full Cherokee)
The shoes you wore today: comfy mules to chauffer family members around
Your hair: is wild, very thick, wavy, and way too much trouble... But I can't imagine cutting it!Your eyes: Tell you exactly what is in my heart... And are my most complimented body part.
Your weakness: Animals,
Your fears: Something happening to my kids. Also dying without ever having really lived.
Your perfect pizza: I am not much of a pizza eater, I guess my homemade pizza is the best. Around here our only other option is Pizza Hut.
One thing you'd like to achieve: At this point i would settle for achieving anything. ALthough I have started painting again, my latest was hung in the county courthouse.

Layer Three
Your most overused phrase: 'Cool', 'amazing', or 'actually'...
Your first waking thoughts: It can't be morning already....
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Confidence, eyes, presence.
Your best physical feature:
Your bedtime: varies. Usually later than what I would like....
Your greatest fear:
Your greatest accomplishment:
Your most missed memory:My grandparents & Sir.

Layer Four
Pepsi or Coke: used to be addicted to Pepsi... Don't drink soda much anymore
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King, if it's absolutely necessary, but really don't eat much red meat or greasy stuff...
Single or group dates: It's just me and Rick, now. No opportunity for anything else anymore...
Adidas or Nike:Never owned either... When it comes to $50 shoes or groceries, not much of a choice.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither. I usually drink herbal teas, or more specialized teas.
Chocolate or vanilla:Depends. I only eat ice cream about twice a year, if that often, and it is usually some form of chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee mostly, and lots of it, but I do like good cappuchino too.

Layer Five
Smoke: not any more
Cuss: occasionally
Sing: Love singing
Take a shower everyday: yes
Have a crush(es): Now? A crush? I can't think of any...
Who are they:
Do you think you've been in love: Yes. Once.
Want to go to college:Have always wanted to...
Like high school:Loved school, didn't mind to teachers, hated the kids I went to school with...
Want to get married: I am already here... Like it or not
Believe in yourself: what is there to believe in??
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Yes.
Think you're attractive: no
Think you're a health freak: no.
Get along with your parents: Um - I get along with my mom as long as I only speak when spoken to and do not express any opinion different from hers.
Play an instrument:Piano, some guitar, remember a bit of clarinet from school...

Layer Six
In the past month, did you...
Drink alcohol: no
Smoke: no
Do a drug: only over the counter ones
Make Out: no
Go on a date: no
Eat an entire box of Oreos: no
Eat sushi: nowhere within 100 miles to get sushi
Been on stage: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: No.
Made homemade cookies: lots
Been in love: I am in love... will always be in love... just not with the person i am sharing the rest of my life with
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair:No.
Stolen anything: No.

Layer Seven
Have you ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.
If so, was it mixed company: Yes.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated:yes
Been caught "doing something": Yes.
Been called a tease: Yes.
Gotten beaten up: No.
Shoplifted: no.
Changed who you were to fit in: I have tried on different personalities before figuring out who I really was... Not that I really know that now....

Layer Eight
Age you hope to be married: I'm here
Numbers and Names of Children: Lauren, 20 (on 1-23-06), Isaiah, 7; Guardian, 3 (my gorgeous dog!)
Describe your Dream Wedding: Never had a wedding... guess I just don't think about it now
How do you want to die: without regrets.
What do you want to be when you grow up: confident
What countr(ies) would you most like to visit: Russia, Cuba, Greece, Ireland.

Layer Nine
Number of men I have kissed: 30?
Number of boyfriends you've had: 5?
Number of drugs taken illegally: none, since high school
Number of people I could trust with my life: One. Not that he is anywhere close, but he is the only one that has ever evoked that kind of trust from me
Number of CDs that I own: probably 250.
Number of piercings:7, all in my ears, but now that i'm not working, I want to get my nose done.
Number of tattoos: Just one, so far...
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Lots. I used to be a writer and photographer for the local paper.
Number of scars on my body: lots of tiny ones, 4 "penny slot" ones on my abdomen from gall baldder surgery.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Too many.

Mean cities

"SARASOTA, Fla. - Sarasota, which recently imposed a no-camping ban, is the meanest city in the nation toward the homeless, according to a national advocacy organization.
The annual list of the 20 worst cities for treating the homeless in 2005 ranks Lawrence, Kan., as second meanest, and Little Rock, Ark., third. Atlanta, Dallas, Las Vegas and Houston were also among the top 10.
Sarasota bans sleeping outside overnight without permission on public or private property. A judge recently upheld the ordinance passed by city commissioners in August after two similar no-camping rules were declared unconstitutional.
"They could have been taken off the mean list if they would have just done away with that ordinance," said Michael Stoops, acting director of the Washington-based National Coalition for the Homeless.
Sarasota officials say the no-lodging rule helps keep the city's homeless out of unsafe and unhealthy camps." Read more HERE.

Um... This doesn't say if the City of Sarasota has enough beds in shelters for every homeless person... And they are not taking into account those homeless who are too wary of shelters to go to one... This law keeps them from sleeping on the street, where do they expect them to go?

Lawrence, Kansas made the second meanest city in the United States. That is one city I have never been to, flew by it on the interstate a few times, but never stopped. I have heard it is not that nice of a city to the general public, unless you fit into a certain "group".

This is all a pretty sad thing, that there is even a need for a report like this one, don't you think?

The treatment of the less fortunate in our society is a truer indication of what kind of a society we are that the treatment of the elite.

The National Coalition for the Homeless' report: http://www.nationalhomeless.org/publications/crimreport/index.html

Wilder side of life

When you slow down your life, and get rid of all the noisy, busy things, you can focus on the most amazing things.

There are two huge cottonwood trees in the back yard of the house next door. My favorite trees, and home to 4 fat, happy squirrels. Right outside my window, there is a half dead, half hollow tree that the squirrels are born in. Every year a new family of squirrels grows up in those large hollow branches.
Twice a week I cut up an apple and put the pieces out in the tree. The squirrels don't take much time at all to come devour them. Every time I go outside now the squirrels stop and look at me, waiting to see if I have apples, LOL. Maybe someday I will find some who will eat out of my hand... Right before corn harvest, I went out to the country and cut some ears of corn from a harvest-ready field. The squirrels loved them!

There is also a blue jay couple that lives here, and wakes me up almost every morning... And a cardinal couple who grace us with their royal presence everytime I refill the bird feeders.

One thing about Hick County that I love, there are sooo many doves here! The sound of the Mourning Dove is my favorite sound of all... They always remind me of my grandma, she and I used to stop what we were doing when they would call out just to listen to them...

Ever since I moved into my mom's back room, there has been something missing in this room. A couple of days ago I put a new plant in the window - You would not belive the difference. This plant brings such a new energy to this room... Not just visually, but just by it's presence... I plan on adding as many as possible, as soon as I find just the right plants...

For the longest time, I was always thinking two steps ahead of myself, and never living in the here and now... And I missed so much by doing that!

Thinking too much??

Lot of thinking has been going on in here lately.

Thinking about Sir... I seem to be past the part that makes me sad, but I seem to be angry.
I hear him again, telling me that it was the "right thing to do" when I chose to stay with my son when He didn't want him to live with us, and he said these exact words... 'It's not you, it's me...' Classic 'break-up-with-her-without-hurting-her-feelings' line....
And what happened to the "We will always be friends" thing... That's never true either, is it...
I guess there had never been someone that broke up with me that I wanted to stay friends with... No one that I needed to stay in my life... Until him.
I feel angry, yes, but it also makes me feel stupid... Was it real? Or was it all pretend.....? Was I dreaming...?
I think that romantic love is not going to be something that everyone can attain. Rick and I have a great companionship-friendship sort of love, and it's comfortable. I should feel luck to have even that I suppose... True love isn't part of the plan this time around...

I have also been thinking about the whole Pheonix thing... I think Amethyst Rising isn't the name for me anymore...
Amethyst - ?? I don't know yet....
I realized that everytime I rise from the ashes of being burnt by life, life just burns me again... Nothing ever works out good for me - It is just bad Karma that has to play out in this life, I guess... So, if I stay here in the ashes, life has no way of burning me again... Right?
I just keep busy with all my "little things" and don't think about things I could have done... Time enough in my future lives, right?
Please don't tell me that I can do whatever I want to do... I will not sacrifice my son's quality of life or take away his maximum potential for selfish reasons... I just can't do that... So, here I am... Making the most of the ashes...

Community Services

Found this on one of the Pagan Forums that I read...
Thought it was pretty funny...
Sorry, Guys, don't mean to offend you, but the Ladies will agree that most men could use a few of these classes!

Classes for men at the local learning center for adults. Registration must be completed by January 15th.
Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class size will be limited to 8 participants maximum.

Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step-by-step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 p.m.

Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday at 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. (Note: this class meets at Irish’s Brew Pub on 16th Street)

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meetings are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours

Class 7: Health Watch — Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and Audio Tapes Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 8: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 9: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 10: Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing

Class 11: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing techniques. Proper techniques for holding her purse. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM at the outlet mall food court.

Class 12: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going to be Late. (Sending Christmas cards will be offered in an advanced course this Fall.) Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 13: The Stove/Oven — What it is and How it is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Glad to be back... I think...

Well, Amethyst, welcome back to the land of the living.
After the upper respiratory thing tried to kill me for almost two weeks, I finally started to feel a bit better, and I came in and posted the last post... And within hours, I was hit with the most horrible bout of stomach flu I have had in years. I still can't stand up for long without getting sick, but I am at least out of bed. I HATE being sick!
I have also been informed that the company I worked for has filed an appeal to my unemployment, and Rick lost his job. Been a wonderful year so far, eh?
For some reason, this appeal thing has me nervous. I don't know why, the "hearing" is over the phone, but if they rule in their favor I have to pay all that money back... About $900! How can I do that without a job??? *sigh*

I am beginning to feel very isolated. I don't know if it is because I have been sick for so long or what... Missing all the people I have lost in my life, they don't seem to be being replaced by other people... Usually, when some people go out of your life, new ones come in. I really miss good conversation... Rick and I talk alot, but I miss other points of view...

Happy New Year

New Year's Resolutions. Do you make them?
I don't really make resolutions, normally, but this year I am going to try something new. I concentrated on things that I really want to manifest in my life.
Not a list of things I want to "do" or "not do" this year, but ideas that I want to make more important in my life.

• Better health in a natural way.
• Studying the uses and properties of herbs and stones.
• Getting better at meditation, and staying calmer... Not letting my calm get blown so easy.
• Paring down my material posessions until there is nothing in my house that I do not consider to be useful or beautiful.
• Recycling even more.
• Working more with environmental, feminist, and animal rights causes.

Maybe this does sound like a list of resolutions. But it isn't really a checklist, it is an ongoing pursuit of developing the "real me". Bringing out the me that I was sent here to be, learning the lessons that I was meant to learn. Not things that are ever "done", or "accomplished", but more a list of things to encorporate into my life in an ongoing effort.
There is an online Green Witch course in the "Wise Woman Tradition" that I would love to take... It costs $400 though, which is more than I can pay. It just sounds like something I would really love learning.

I dug out my Tarot cards on New Year's Eve, and did a reading for myself. Among other things, it seemed to point to a new "career" for me of a spiritual nature, and writing/teaching came up a few times, too. (I don't only go on my own instinct with Tarot readings, I also incorporate several different interpretations of the cards.) Who knows what that might mean...

Anyway, I hope for a blessed and safe year for everyone... And no matter what your faith is, that you will follow your true path...

By the way... Magdala had this on her blog... I couldn't resist! I had to see what mine would turn out...