tag in your template:

Monday, October 31, 2005

Hallows Blessing For The Ancestors




Hallows Blessing For The Ancestors
Taken from the Lone Witch yahoo group, written by Raven Lee

To those whose feet are stilled,
And those who laugh with us no more.
To you we say, our love was with you here
And goes with you now ...to that place
Where you rest and take delight.
May the Dark Lord and Sweet Lady
Guide your feet along the coffin paths
To that place where all is fresh and green,
Where lovers, friends, and ancestors wait
with open arms to greet you
..Go in peace, and with our blessings....
Or remain awhile this eve, with us
The living, and life and hearth, and love...
Be rested amongst your own, this eve
This one night, This Samhain.
With countless turns of the wheel
We miss you, be near us this eve,
We pray ever for you
...And we will meet again, once more
when the wheel turns for us.
Pray be there to greet us, in that place
We will walk the coffin paths together
And bide awhile with kin and hearth
Until that time be near us.
Our kinsmen,
Our guardians,
Our ancestors,
Our beloved dead.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Rethinking the future....

The house that Sir and I had been thinking about trying to buy sold this week. It seemed to be the final nail in the coffin of what was such a wonderful dream...

***********

I really feel sort of defeated, like I am finally ready to give in on fighting to find a better life, and just get back together with R and just make the best of it. I am tired of being hurt, tired of struggling to put food on the table. I just want someone else to be in charge for a while....

***********

I am still moving forward on going back to school. Looking into getting a degree online from Fort Hays State University, which is the college I had planned on attending (majoring in art) after I graduated high school. I am thinking that maybe just an associates degree in general studies would be a good thing. I could always get a specific degree later, but this would get all my basics out of the way.
I suppose I could get a business degree.... I would really like to get a history degree, (I love history) but what could I do with that besides teach? I don't think I would like teaching. Maybe college level, but nothing younger. When my son gets older, I wouldn't mind maybe getting back into journalism... I really loved the year I spent writing (and taking pictures) for the newspaper. I wouldn't want to work for this paper again, though, so I would move somewhere else. When my son is high school age, I wouldn't mind moving...

When my class graduated 8th grade, we all put what we wanted to be in 20 years... Would you believe that I wanted to be a forensic pathologist? I still think that would be fascinating...

Anyway, I got the FHSU catalog yesterday, and am going to look into financial aid. My company will reimburse me for a part of my tuition after every class I complete, so it's a good time to do this.

Friday, October 28, 2005

It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there....

When Sir was here in Hooterville for the first time, he was shocked to find that we still have a whistle that blows at 7 am, noon, 1 pm, and 6 pm. He had better not ever go to the small town I was working in for the last couple of days.
At 9 am the first morning I woke up there, I heard church bells tolling... then they struck 9 times... Then the started playing a hymn.... and they continued, playing the entire hymn.... Seems that they go off like that at least 5 times a day... Playing a different hymn, the entire thing.... Talk about being a bit annoying...
I am surprised that no one has ever complained about it... What would happen if someone of a different faith wanted to live there? It's presumptuous of them to assume that everyone that lives or stays in their town is going to be Christian.

The first night I was there, I had two drunk cowboys come in. Not exactly a rare occurance in Western Kansas. These two, though, were a bit different. They were out riding around, getting drunk... On their horse.
Both cowboys, on one horse... Drunk as skunks... I just had to shake my head... Absolutely amazing...

If I ever hear anyone complain about how small Hooterville is, or that it is boring, I am going to suggest they go to this little town for a few days... It makes Hooterville look like a metropolis. I must have mopped that floor 6 times in 8 hours, just for something to do.

There was a little old lady there who hangs out at the store at night because her husband is a night watchman at a feed yard, and she can't sleep. She will tell you all about being in a coma after losing her son, and coming out of it with no memory of her prior life, and how that was god's way of helping her cope with the death of her son. Told me she could see immediately the love for people in my face, and that she was sure that we would meet again in heaven... I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't even sure that I belived in her god or her heaven... Or argue with her that not all nice, caring people are christians. She left a card on my windshield when I left, telling me how lucky she was to have been able to get to know me, even just a little bit. *sigh* I tend to attract people like that...lol I have been told I am too nice. Someone has to be, though, right? To make up for the over-abundance of rude people in the world?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The nice woman whose nametag read "Wendy" lead me into the tiny windowless room. In the corner was a chair, with an ugly hospital gown folded neatly on the seat. A table sitting next to the chair had a pretty little basket with pink ribbon air fresheners for your car that read "The best prevention is early detection", a lamp that was the only light in the room, and a can of Suave deodorant, Powder Fresh scent.
Wendy instructed me to take off my shirt and bra, putting the gown on open in the front. I was wearing a Sturgis t-shirt... One that Sir had given me... To make it feel like a part of him was there with me. I had taken it right out of the dryer and put it on that morning.
Wendy left the room, and I began to get undressed. When I took off my shirt, it felt like something hit my foot. I looked down, and a sock had been stuck in my shirt and was now laying on the floor. I almost laughed out loud... But then I realized that I didn't even have my purse with me, so I had to stuff the sock in the pocket of my jeans...lol
I was almost embarrassed at how big my boob looked in that machine... And Wendy pulling on it with both hands to get more of me into there didn't help.... lol
I am really glad that's over.
The sonogram guy thought the lumps looked like swollen lymph nodes, but would look again and send a full report to my doctor. So I guess everything is fine...

************************

I am leaving in just a few minutes to go to the middle of nowhere to work for a couple of days. I REALLY don't want to go...
My ex and I have been talking... about living together again, so that I don't have to struggle with paying the bills, and I can quit the store where I work because I need to get off my feet... My back is in serious pain all the time, and the chiropractor says my lower back is getting compacted.. Said that if I could find a job where I wasn't on my feet all the time it would be much better... Jobs are scarce around here, but if R could pay the bills while I was looking for something new, that would be great...
I saw the rest of my life with Sir, and now that that isn't going to happen, I really don't want to try find anyone else. R knows how I feel about Sir, and that my heart will always belong to him... But R and I are best friends, and I could do a lot worse than that, right? R is getting ready to go back to work on a drilling rig, and will bring home in one week what I do in a month... It will be nice to quit this job I hate and take care of my son and home while looking for a part time job that will be easier on my back and my mind...
I hate working at a job where I have to watch my back constantly, and can't trust anyone... I actually get sick to my stomach just thinking about going to work these days, and I used to love it...
Well, I better get going... Talk to you all again on Friday...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I wish this day was over...

I just had to order a new copy of Shawn Mullin's 'Soul's Core' CD....
4 years ago this March, a really good friend of mine borrowed my copy. About a week later, he choked to death on a piece of steak at a party, and I never got the CD back... He was only 34 years old... He had just called me the day before, wanting me to come over, and I blew him off... I wonder if it would have changed the course of things if I had gone to see him? Maybe he wouldn't have gone to that party....
Do you ever feel that those people that you love that have passed are with you? Do you think they are? I sometimes feel that maybe Jeff is watching over me... And my grandparents, my uncle Johnny Lee who died when I was about 2... I really feel like maybe they are still with me....
I wish that they hadn't all died accidentally... If they had been sick, we would have been able to say goodbye... I could have asked them to come back and show me they were with me if they could....


Well, today is the day... Going to the hospital for those tests... Wish it was over... Even though I am sure it is nothing, I just don't want to go through the hassle... Or get the bill for it in a week or two....

Monday, October 24, 2005

One of my favorite songs...for my One favorite person

(You can go HERE to hear a clip - click on "lullaby" under featured clips)

Soul Child

by Shawn Mullins


like fallin rain
the days go by
can't kill the pain
and you wonder why
be strong
hold on
lotta love to go around
stay wild
soul child
don't you let 'em bring you down
it's like a dream
wake me up when it's over
somewhere in between
enemy and lover
walk proud
sing out loud
it always hurts to wonder why
one more mile
my soul child
you'll never know until you try
like fallin rain
the days go by
can't kill the pain
and you wonder why
be strong
hold on
lotta love to go around
stay wild
soul child
don't you let 'em bring you down
walk proud
sing out loud
it always hurts to wonder why
stay wild
my soul child
you'll never know until you try
you'll never know until you try
you'll never know until you try

********************************************************

To Whom It May Concern: Hang on... Nothing will get better if you don't keep moving...

Just when you think you've seen everything....

In the store where I work, we tape plastic spoons to the ink pens to keep people from taking them.

This morning, a woman (who started griping at the clerk as soon as she came into the store) bought one of our fresh cinnamon rolls, with thick cream cheese frosting on it... She brought the roll to the register, picked up the ink pen that everyone had been using to write checks for days... And used the spoon on the end to scrape the frosting off of her roll, leaving the pen-spoon full of frosting laying on the counter...
Ya just gotta wonder about people....

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Venting? Whining? I don't know what I am feeling....

I hate the blog world on weekends... It feels so deserted... Tumble weeds blowing down the streets... Vultures in the trees....

I don't seem to have a life outside this blog and my work... And I am beginning to hate my work... Life is not at a good place at this time...

I have to go to the hospital on Tuesday... I found a lump under my arm, and my doctor has scheduled me for a mamogram and sonogram... I am sure it's nothing, but...

Wednesday my company is sending me to work in another store (again) in a town half the size of Hooterville, working the shift I hate (3-11pm)

I haven't heard from 'the blogger formerly known as Sir' for a couple of days... I miss him...

I am just struggling right now to find the path through this, these are all spots on the map, links in a chain, leading me somewhere.... I know that.... I just wish I could see the next part of the path...

I think I tend to hurt people who come to care about me because I don't seem to be 'static', I am still changing so much, I don't seem to stay in one place in my life long before my path leads me on... Even when I long to stay.....

So many things roaming around in my head... I feel really alone this evening...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Just a thought...

Rednaked has done a couple of posts about songs that remind her of certain bloggers... I have one to add... How about Jason: "Oklahoma Boys"by Cross Canadian Ragweed...

Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong
They're too damn skinny or way too
ain't no holy roller so I just use a bong
Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong

Them boys down in Texas got some damn fine weed
They smuggle across the Rio,
they use the Mexican breed
That's expointin' cheap labor,
but hell that's Texican's creed
Them boys down in Texas got some damn fine weed

Them boys in Arkansas
they got some damn fine pot
That's a direct result of all them good seeds they got
Haulin' water up a hill's a chore,
but man I tell you what
Them boys from Arkansas
they got some damn fine pot

(Chorus)

Them boys up in Kansas,
hell all they got is a bunch of schwag
And they'll try to screw you for fifty bucks a quarter bag
I got some in my guitar case and I'm not the type to brag
But it's a damn sight better than that Kansanian schwag

Them boys in Louisiana got trouble growin' their weed
Them alligators is mean,
and they eat up all the seeds
But on a bayou night by the light of a full moon
You can walk out and pick you a sack full of 'shrooms

LOL.... just kidding, Jason....

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

DMV of Hick County

Jason mentioned something in a comment on his blog about making something humorous from a trip to the department of Motor Vehicles.
Do you know what it's like to go there in Hick County?
For one thing, it is only open on Thursdays.
You go into a room in the courthouse, the same room where you go to vote during elections, and there are a couple of folding tables and a folding chair or two. You interrupt the DMV man's book he is reading, or maybe his nap, and he helps you with your license. No line, no waiting. Normally you don't even see anyone else while you are there. The rest of the week, the room is empty, unless the county commissioners use the room for something.... Living in the middle of no where isn't always bad... LOL

Can you spare a little cheese to go with this whine?

Have you ever said something in a crowded room and suddenly the room goes silent? I think that happened on my last post...LOL... I heard the crickets chirping.

I have been "advised" that here on this new blog I shouldn't write about sex. About my sex life, anyway. Which is not a thing, considering that if I have definantly lost "the blogger formerly known as Sir", there won't be a sex life for a long, long time... I don't even seem to enjoy reading about it, is that strange? All I want to do these days is hide out and sleep... So if you don't hear from me for days, it is probably because I don't really give a damn about this blog, or this computer, or anything but sleeping it off... I can barely make it through a shift at work, I just hate being anywhere but sound asleep where pain doesn't reach... I seem to be very restless, I can't stay still, my mind won't stay on one subject for more than a few minutes... I know, I am whining, and I am supposed to try to do some real writing on this blog, but I really just need someone to talk to... I sort of ignored my friends here in town when I was so wrapped up in Sir, and now I seem to be very alone.

I quit smoking 39 days ago. I don't really miss the cigarettes, I had cut way back anyway, but I miss the act of smoking the cigarette. That and the fact that where I work, if you don't smoke you don't get breaks. That's why, even though I had stopped smoking everywhere else, I still smoked at work. I picked a hell of a time to quit smoking....LOL

I realize that I am rambling, and that this is nothing anyone wants to read about, so I will be quiet now... Thanks for listening anyway... Having just got off work at 7, I think I will go to sleep now... G'night...

Monday, October 17, 2005

Just a thought...

We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything.
Blaise Pascal
I think the point is not to keep moving, but to really know the person we are right now... There is such a thing as moving so fast that you don't even know who you are... How can you know how to get where you are going if you don't know where you started from?

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sunday morning coming down....

I have this book, "List Your Self" Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick. Every page has a sentence at the top, and blank lines underneath. Every sentence is a topic for a list you are to make.
I randomly opened it this morning, and this is the list I got:"Suddenly you can re-create your childhood, List what experiences you would make come out differently."

I immediately thought of many things I would want to change, but most of them were things that other people were in charge of. My mother not wanting to leave her parents to move to a state with my dad where he didn't have a job yet. If she had been more courageous, my life would have turned out a lot different.
My mom not letting my dad ever see me. Knowing him as I grew up would have changed the way I perceived myself. My mother taught me guilt trips, the importance not of being yourself but of being who the world expects you to be, insecurity, and not trusting myself. My dad is the type who would have taught me that there is nothing I can't do, and that it is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you're not.

When the boys in my class started teasing me about being fat, I would have looked in the mirror and realized that I wasn't. I look at the pictures of me then, and I wasn't stick thin like most of the other girls in our class, I had curves long before I knew what to do with them. But I wasn't fat. That one thing has effected me more than anything in my life. I have worked for 20 years to get rid of the feelings of inferiority that were rooted in those years of taunting from the boys.

I love my children, but when I was 17 and met their dad, I would have stood up and insisted that I go to college and become who I was meant to be, and then got married. I wouldn't have married so soon because I thought that R wouldn't want to wait for me. When I graduated high school I had the chance to study art in Paris for the summer, but I passed it up because I didn't think R would wait for me, and that he would have moved on to someone else by the time I got back. He loved me, I clung to that like a drowning person to a floatation device. I thought no one else would ever love me if I lost him.

There are so many little things that if I had to do over again, knowing what I know now, would have made me into the person that I really want to be, with the training, and experiences I could have had, but will never have now.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Random Saturday morning thoughts....

Why do some people think that to be mature you have to be serious all the time?
Life is way too important to be taken so seriously.
Some times I think they take themselves way too seriously, too. Seems like they have a fear of someone thinking they are not important, intelligent people if they don't take life seriously.

I have a habit of looking at life through a child's eyes. Not that I am immature, but I see the wonder in everyday things: the beauty of a sunrise, a duck swimming in a ditch full of water as we speed by on the highway... The way the light hits the first yellow leaves in a cottonwood tree... Most people don't see these things at all, and if I point them out, they look at me like I have lost my mind... There are more important things to think about, you know...
I tend to giggle when I am happy... Whoever I'm with will ask me what I'm laughing at... I am not laughing at anything, happiness just tend to bubble over...
I like being a free spirit, I like being carefree... I can be child-like, without being childish...

When I worked for the railroad, a lot of the guys called me Sunshine, because of my smile, and because I was always in a good mood... I loved that nickname....
I don't like being put down, or being called "childish" just because I don't take life seriously unless it needs to be, and because little things can make me happy... I don't impose my way of doing things on others, I think everyone should be able to do things their own way. I am not threatened by someone who does things differently than I do... I am not threatened by friends that spend time with their other friends...
It's not that I don't care about anything... I have been accused of that, too.. It's just that if I try to impose my way of doing things or thinking about things on others, that would be trying to change them... And if I don't like how they really are, what am I doing with them to begin with? If you don't like the real me, what are you doing with me?

If you came to my house and saw that I still sleep with a teddy bear, would you be surprised? Would you make fun of me?
If I didn't cook spaghetti the way you do, would you tell me I was doing it wrong?
If you saw the box of Mr. Bubble in my bathroom and realized it wasn't my son's... Would you think I was weird?
If you and I were dating, and you found out that my ex-husband is my best friend, would you be jealous?
If I wanted to play in my son's little plastic pool with him(or even when he was gone) in the back yard, would that embarrass you?
Would you make fun of me because I like crayons and coloring books?
Would you laugh at my pink terrycloth slippers with the rubber ducky embroidered on them?

I just like to have fun... Be playful... Have friends that don't cut me down for that...
but I like me that way... And if someone doesn't, I don't need them in my life anyway, right?

I used to be sort of paranoid, I would try really hard to hang onto things... Material things, and people... Just because they were comfortable, because I knew them, whether they were good for me or not... I have, in the last couple of years, figured out that things come and go, and if one things goes away, something new will come along....

There are things that are worth fighting to hang onto, however. My relationship with the former "Sir" is worth fighting for... As is being a part of my son's life...
I'm in this life for me now... What I want really matters to me now... I like me, and I am willing to put the effort into protecting my needs...

Friday, October 14, 2005

Once upon a time

In 1990 I was working three jobs. Two full time, and one part time. One of my full time jobs was as clerk at a convenience store. It was a teeny tiny place, barely bigger than my living room, one booth took up most of the east wall, and one cooler unit took up the west wall, with the counter along the north and the south windows facing the highway. The bathroom was on the outside, I used to have to lock up the store every time I had to pee.
There was a guy about my age that I had become friends with, he was in the store almost as much as I was. His name was Charlie. He used to come in and sit, telling stories, especially ones about his wild uncle Donny, who he really admired. I told him a lot about me, about my parents splitting when I was 18 months old, and how I didn't know my real dad, and growing up with my mom and adopted dad. My real dad's family was from the next county, and I didn't know any of them.
One day Charlie came rushing in, practically bouncing off the walls. I was helping a customer at the time, and I kept giving Charlie weird looks, like "what the hell is up with you?"
Finally the customer left, and Charlie started talking.
"You said you were adopted, right?" He asked me excitedly.
"Um, yeah... Why?"
"What is your real dad's name?" He was practically having a conniption by this time...
"Donny J." I said, as he went ape-shit.
"That is my uncle Donny!" He was grinning like a jackass eating yellow jackets.
"What??" I couldn't quite comprehend what he was saying.
"When do you get off work?" he asked. I told him, and he told me to come over to where he and his wife lived, and he would call his uncle.
The rest of the shift was the longest shift I ever worked. It finally ended, and R and I went to Charlie's house. He called his uncle, and talked a bit, telling him my mom's name and things, and come to find out, he was my dad. I was 23 years old, and that day was the first time in memory that I had heard my dad's voice. He was remarried, had two other daughters, and was living in Colorado.
When I was growing up he was a truck driver, and since my mom wouldn't let him see me, he would come to town, park his truck, and walk down to where we lived, staying down the street to watch me play in the yard. The adoption by my mother's second husband had been done without my dad's knowledge. Something about if the missing parent is living in some other state and cannot be found, or something, made it legal... So mom says.
A few nights later, I was going to my other full time job at Daylight Donuts (it was time to "make the donuts!") Midnight, no makeup, hair in a ratty pony tail, half asleep, trying to unlock the door of the shop when from down the street at the Laundromat I hear "Hey! Amethyst, there's someone I want you to meet!" It was Charlie. I was cussing him all the way down the street, about not the time or place to be meeting someone, me looking like shit with no make up, and as soon as I stepped into the Laundromat I stopped. There, leaning against a washer, in his typical James Dean look, was my dad. Just like that. After all those years, to meet him at midnight in a Laundromat.
We got close very fast after that, we had so much in common. I met the whole family, and I fit into that family better than I ever did my mom's family or my adopted dad's family. I finally felt whole, after 23 years of feeling like a part of me was missing, I finally felt whole.
Flash ahead about 10 years. R and I were separated, and I started dating a man who still to this day is one of the best people I know. Treated me like a queen, was very responsible, intelligent, (and totally hot on top of all that!). When one of my dad's cousins called him, and told him who I was dating, that was all she wrote. I have never heard from my dad again. It's been 7 years since I last talked to him, back when R and I were still together. I hear he is in extremely bad health, I don't know. My grandfather died during this time, no one bothered to tell me. I probably won't know when my dad passes, either. I have tried to contact him, but calls don't get answered, and letters are never acknowledged. The reason for the disowning? My boyfriend was black.
I try to tell myself that if they are that racist, I don't want to be a part of their family anyway, but I am, and I can't change that. I can't change the fact that it is one of the most painful things in my life, though I don't ever let myself feel it. I just live my life, and don't think about it.
I suppose I should feel grateful to at least have had the chance to get to know him once...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Useless info

Hey, if it's good enough for Magdala's blog, it's good enough for mine, right?

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you? Check it out here. Edgar Bergen,Sonny Bono, LeVar Burton,Jeff Clayton, William Ballard Doggett, Ice-T, John McEnroe, Johann Strauss, Andy Taylor(Duran-Duran), a few out of the list of 247 that I found....
2. Where was your first kiss? I think, if I remember that long ago, it was in the "boiler room" behind the gym in 3rd or 4th grade...
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? Never. What goes around comes around you know...
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? I have never hit anyone... If people succeed in getting me that mad, they have already won.
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Nope... Not that they haven't tried...
6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Smile... Eyes.... Confidence...
7. What really turns you on? Intelligence
9. What is your biggest mistake? Not ever getting to know myself... I'm working on that though...
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Too many times...I used to have tooth aches so bad as a kid that I would sit and pound my head against a wall...
11. Say something totally random about yourself. My toenails are always painted Hollywood Red.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows? I have a seven year old kid who loves to watch TV and movies sitting on mom's lap... What do you think?
14. Did you have braces? Nope. My teeth would have just crumbled anyway....
15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes... My width, not so much...LOL
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Every romantic thing I can remember has happened in the last three months...
17. When do you know it's love? When you are willing to give up some of your wants to accomondate their needs...
18. Do you speak any other languages? I always wanted to learn Klingon
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? Nope. My Irish skin tends to turn red and then right back to white...LOL
20. What magazines do you read? Any that I can get a hold of...LOL... I'm an addict. I usually keep a subscription to Yoga Journal though... And Mother Earth News
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? No... Not really a limo kinda gal... Maybe a Hummer limo someday....LOL
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes. My grandparents were killed in a car wreck when I was 19. Lots a few friends along the way... Been pretty lucky though...
23. Do you watch mtv? Um... We don't even get MTV here... VH1, but not MTV...
24. What's something that really annoys you? Wow... Lots of things...LOL... People who start a load of laundry and then leave it in the washer, so that I have to put it in the dryer to start MY load of laundry... People who obviously don't know what a yield sign (or a turn signal) is for...
25. What's something you really like? Snuggling. Kissing.
26. Do you like Michael Jackson? In a word? No.
27. Can you dance? Yes, actually, I am not too bad...
28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? Three or four days...
29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Nope. I had an allergic reaction to a medication once, my fever went to 105 and I was having convulsions, but I refused the ambulance... I didn't have insurance at the time, and couldn't afford the bill... I know, I can be a bit stubborn at times.....
30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Yes - I love learning more about people... My answers are so short because there isn't much to tell about me...LOL

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Pentegram problems

Wiccan Veterans Want EqualityChristian veterans can get a cross engraved on a free military headstone. Muslims have their own symbol, as do Mormons, Buddhists, Sufis, Jews, and Hindus. One group thus far left out is Wicca. Wiccan veterans can't get a Wiccan symbol engraved on their headstone despite long efforts to change the rules.
(read the story HERE)

Hmmm... Imagine that....

Monday, October 10, 2005

Just a thought

What do you think Hitler would think about Angela Merkel , considering he thought that for the German woman her "world is her husband, her family, her children, and her home." ?

Sonshine of my life (corny, eh?)

I was working as a manager in a convenience store in 1997. Putting in 100 hour weeks, and loving it. Anytime I got sick, I worked right through it - the flu, bronchitis, food poisoning... You name it. It the convenience store business, especially in management, you learn to do that.

One September, I came down with what I thought was the flu, only even after a couple of weeks, it wouldn't go away. It was messing with my work, so I went to the doctor. One thing about me, if it's not life threatening, I never go to the doctor.
I went in and told him what the problem was, and after some blood work, he called me back into the exam room.
"Well, Anita, you don't have the flu" He said, not quite looking me in the eye. He had been my only doctor since 7th grade, and I knew something was up.
"Congratulations, you're pregnant."
I was shocked. My husband (at the time) R and I had been trying for 10 years to have a second child, and had given up completely. But now, at 30, here I was - pregnant!

It wasn't exactly an easy pregnancy, I had to give up my manager position because of the hours, and worked as assistant. Even that, after a while, I had to quit because of my blood pressure.
At 6 months, I went in for emergency gall bladder surgery. The "sandman" (honestly, that's what his personalized tag says on his truck!) assured me that nothing in the medicines they were using would hurt my baby. I don't think you really understand pain until you have a very active baby kicking you from under your staples, and not being able to take any pain meds.
The last 6 weeks were pretty much bed rest, also because of my blood pressure.
When I finally gave birth to him, a tiny 6 lbs. 13 oz., there was a bit of trouble with his heartbeat, and then he was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, and they had a bit of trouble getting his breathing started.
We took him home healthy and on time, however, and I was so in love... I still am.

When he was about 8 months old, he was growing and learning, and progressing at an above average rate. I was working driving a van for the railroad at the time, and his father was home with him when I was working, and I was home when his father was working. One day the job kept me out for over 24 hours. Before I left, my son came down with a fever, and we had no medicine to give him, so we decided to just wait it out. He kept that fever for a couple of days, and afterwards we always thought we could see a difference in his reactions to things, in the brightness in his eyes.... But there was no way to tell if the fever had done any damage.
He has developed what has been diagnosed as ADHD, but with all the little things that happened since he was conceived, I wonder....

Anyway, the medicine they have him on is helping immensely.

Complete strangers tell me how sweet he is.. And how unlike other children his age he is... He is not always wanting things, he hasn't a material bone in his body, and he doesn't much like candy, never asks for soda... He loves to help people, and is extremely compassionate, his concern for his classmates will have him in tears if they get hurt, or are upset. He loves to help me, and often will say "Yes Ma'am!" as he is running off to do something that I have asked him to do.
Of course, as with any child, he has his moments, and his occasional temper tantrums, but he is the most amazing child I have ever met, and I would think that even if he wasn't mine.

Nothing in the world will ever come before him in my life, not until he is grown into the person I can see him becoming. I am a mother, first and foremost, and my son's whole future depends on the care he gets now - and his parents are the ones he needs that care from. I realize that a lot of children and parents can't have the relationship that I share with my son, but if I have the ability, don't I owe it to him to give him everything I have?To be a daily part of his life? I think so.

Moving in.

Hmmm. Well, this is it. My new place. What do you think?
I am still in the process of adjusting the template to suit me... I know, it looks a lot like "that other place" did, but I like this stuff. I am still working on it, but I will be writing a lot these days, so expect something good soon...
Although I am not sure how soon, I am trying not to think at all right now, it hurts too much when every thought leads back to Sir...
By the way, thank you for coming... I hope I have as many readers here as I did before... although without the promise of sex in the title, I suppose that I shouldn't hold my breath...