Rethinking the future....
The house that Sir and I had been thinking about trying to buy sold this week. It seemed to be the final nail in the coffin of what was such a wonderful dream...
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I really feel sort of defeated, like I am finally ready to give in on fighting to find a better life, and just get back together with R and just make the best of it. I am tired of being hurt, tired of struggling to put food on the table. I just want someone else to be in charge for a while....
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I am still moving forward on going back to school. Looking into getting a degree online from Fort Hays State University, which is the college I had planned on attending (majoring in art) after I graduated high school. I am thinking that maybe just an associates degree in general studies would be a good thing. I could always get a specific degree later, but this would get all my basics out of the way.
I suppose I could get a business degree.... I would really like to get a history degree, (I love history) but what could I do with that besides teach? I don't think I would like teaching. Maybe college level, but nothing younger. When my son gets older, I wouldn't mind maybe getting back into journalism... I really loved the year I spent writing (and taking pictures) for the newspaper. I wouldn't want to work for this paper again, though, so I would move somewhere else. When my son is high school age, I wouldn't mind moving...
When my class graduated 8th grade, we all put what we wanted to be in 20 years... Would you believe that I wanted to be a forensic pathologist? I still think that would be fascinating...
Anyway, I got the FHSU catalog yesterday, and am going to look into financial aid. My company will reimburse me for a part of my tuition after every class I complete, so it's a good time to do this.
***********
I really feel sort of defeated, like I am finally ready to give in on fighting to find a better life, and just get back together with R and just make the best of it. I am tired of being hurt, tired of struggling to put food on the table. I just want someone else to be in charge for a while....
***********
I am still moving forward on going back to school. Looking into getting a degree online from Fort Hays State University, which is the college I had planned on attending (majoring in art) after I graduated high school. I am thinking that maybe just an associates degree in general studies would be a good thing. I could always get a specific degree later, but this would get all my basics out of the way.
I suppose I could get a business degree.... I would really like to get a history degree, (I love history) but what could I do with that besides teach? I don't think I would like teaching. Maybe college level, but nothing younger. When my son gets older, I wouldn't mind maybe getting back into journalism... I really loved the year I spent writing (and taking pictures) for the newspaper. I wouldn't want to work for this paper again, though, so I would move somewhere else. When my son is high school age, I wouldn't mind moving...
When my class graduated 8th grade, we all put what we wanted to be in 20 years... Would you believe that I wanted to be a forensic pathologist? I still think that would be fascinating...
Anyway, I got the FHSU catalog yesterday, and am going to look into financial aid. My company will reimburse me for a part of my tuition after every class I complete, so it's a good time to do this.
posted by Amethyst Rising at 12:28 PM
3 Comments:
Taking classes sounds like a great idea!! I intend on taking night classes starting next fall. It will take me awhile, but I'm determined to graduate (have 2 more years to go).
Do what you think is right Amethyst, but "settling" is usually not the answer--moving forward, in spite of the apprehension, isn't easy--but no one ever said it was. You'll do the right thing because you're the only one that knows your situation at hand--everyone just presumes to.
I am excited about taking classes... I can't wait to get started!
I don't see myself really settling for anything...
I don't imagine I will ever be at a place where I can consider myself "with" anyone... After Sir, I think I will just play "free agent" for a while... maybe forever...
It would be much easier if I could give up, but the universe seems to want me to exist in this life where nothing ever goes right... Must be really bad karma from a past life....
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