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Hafiz, a fourteenth-century Persian mystic, once wrote:
"This place where you are right now
God circled on a map for you."
This statement will stop you in your tracks, no matter what your version of "God" is.
Going through life on autopilot, complaining about life's circumstances, zoning out in front of the television - they all seem such a waste, when this very moment was planned for us to learn from.
It makes me wonder, 'Where is the place I am at right now, and what is my lesson to be learned? What is my mindset?’
I am in a place right now to learn humility, to learn that I need to "lean not on your own understanding". To learn to live day to day, when I have always been a person that could not stand it if I didn't know what my plans were for the future.
I am learning that I have a need inside of me to simplify my life, getting rid of material things, thoughts, and "masks" that I really don't need. I have relearned how wonderful it is to give to others, to keep my own needs in check so that I have more to give to others.
The biggest thing that I am learning right now, in this place in my life, is that pride is not always a good thing. Pride can be a hurtful thing, not just to others, but also to myself. Pride keeps me from asking for help if I need it; pride keeps me from letting go, playing like a little kid, laughing out loud... Looking silly... pride had become a great wall between the world and me. It keeps me from reaching out to others in friendship, in fear of rejection. Pride kept me from dreaming, to avoid falling on my face and looking like a fool.
There was a time or two, as a child, when that wall would come down for a moment, (yes, it was put up early in my life) and I would laugh, and act like a part of the group... Until one of my "emotional abusers" would notice that I was having fun and cut me down so fast... I would slink off, embarrassed, ashamed that I was called out... Eventually, that wall became unmovable. I am trying to work through that, and destroy that wall forever.
Those are the things I am learning, and I am making progress, but I am a long way from getting to the place that I feel I can go on to the next circle on the map.
"This place where you are right now
God circled on a map for you."
This statement will stop you in your tracks, no matter what your version of "God" is.
Going through life on autopilot, complaining about life's circumstances, zoning out in front of the television - they all seem such a waste, when this very moment was planned for us to learn from.
It makes me wonder, 'Where is the place I am at right now, and what is my lesson to be learned? What is my mindset?’
I am in a place right now to learn humility, to learn that I need to "lean not on your own understanding". To learn to live day to day, when I have always been a person that could not stand it if I didn't know what my plans were for the future.
I am learning that I have a need inside of me to simplify my life, getting rid of material things, thoughts, and "masks" that I really don't need. I have relearned how wonderful it is to give to others, to keep my own needs in check so that I have more to give to others.
The biggest thing that I am learning right now, in this place in my life, is that pride is not always a good thing. Pride can be a hurtful thing, not just to others, but also to myself. Pride keeps me from asking for help if I need it; pride keeps me from letting go, playing like a little kid, laughing out loud... Looking silly... pride had become a great wall between the world and me. It keeps me from reaching out to others in friendship, in fear of rejection. Pride kept me from dreaming, to avoid falling on my face and looking like a fool.
There was a time or two, as a child, when that wall would come down for a moment, (yes, it was put up early in my life) and I would laugh, and act like a part of the group... Until one of my "emotional abusers" would notice that I was having fun and cut me down so fast... I would slink off, embarrassed, ashamed that I was called out... Eventually, that wall became unmovable. I am trying to work through that, and destroy that wall forever.
Those are the things I am learning, and I am making progress, but I am a long way from getting to the place that I feel I can go on to the next circle on the map.
posted by Amethyst Rising at 2:44 PM
3 Comments:
I talked with you a little about this earlier, I think. Same thing happened to me, but the wall around me wasn't pride so much as it was a wall to protect me against feeling emotional pain. And it worked well.
The problem was that I couldn't love or feel love and everything I tasted, smelled, touched, heard or saw was like a chalky film across the real thing.
I had to break down the wall and open myself up to feeling and really living life, meaning that every touch, taste, smell and sound was completely new to me. I almost climaxed the other day when I drank a glass of applejuice! It was soooooo good! It's like I've never tasted it before, although I've had it many times.
But with that good feeling and paying attention to the senses and LIVING, also comes the pain that I was so protected against. I'm raw to it, sensitive I'm sure, and I'll have to deal with it. But I made the choice to do so. I think I'm ready. No turning back now.
I love that quote, thanks for sharing it. I can't wait to hear more about your journey, your re-discovery of joy and humility. And good luck with the job! : )
Thanks Jayne... Hope you had a good trip... :-)
Jason - The wall was to keep out the pain, also, but when they said hurtful things it made others laugh at me, and that embarrassed me, which in turn enraged my family-taught pride... I know, too much pride and a low self-esteem don't usually reside in the same person... No wonder I'm so screwed up! LOL
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