Claustrophobic?
I have always thought that as I got older, I was getting claustrophobic.
“Clinically speaking, claustrophobic refers to an abnormal tendency to feel terror in closed spaces. But like other terms used to describe psychological conditions (narcissistic and schizophrenic, for example), claustrophobic has been applied more loosely in general usage over time. At first it referred to any kind of temporary feeling of being closed in or unable to escape (I felt claustrophobic in that tiny room).” (dictionary.com)
I don’t dislike small spaces. When I was young, I had a bookshelf headboard, with sliding doors on it. Between the head of the mattress, and the wall, under the bookshelf part of the headboard, was a space. I used to crawl under the bed, and I could sit up in the space. I had my favorite books in there, and I loved the protected feeling I had there. I also used to play in my closet (as long as the light bulb wasn’t burnt out!) There was a large row of bushes in the backyard of my house, and in the summer the leaves made the branches heavy enough that they bent over, making a hidden “cave” that we loved playing in, too.
I still get the urge sometimes to crawl into a small space and hide. I have developed a sort of “meditation” where I close my eyes and imagine myself in a gray box, and all the sounds I hear are coming from a speaker in the box, they are just piped in, and I am totally alone. It makes it very easy to detach myself from what is going on around me. I used to use it at work on really bad days when I got a few minutes to myself. (Usually outside sitting on the end of the sidewalk smoking a cigarette.)
What I really need to work on is the panicked feeling I get when I feel like I can’t move, or can’t get out of somewhere. That fear hits me in bad traffic. It hits me when I am at work, sometimes. It even hits me sometimes when someone is too close to my face for to long, like when Rick kisses me for a long time and doesn’t back off at all. I feel like I am being held down, or something. That is the part that really bothers me. It's suffocating. I don’t know anyone else like that… I have never heard of that at all…what kind of fruit loop feels like that? May be the reason that I was the only sub that I ever knew that never got into bondage…
“Clinically speaking, claustrophobic refers to an abnormal tendency to feel terror in closed spaces. But like other terms used to describe psychological conditions (narcissistic and schizophrenic, for example), claustrophobic has been applied more loosely in general usage over time. At first it referred to any kind of temporary feeling of being closed in or unable to escape (I felt claustrophobic in that tiny room).” (dictionary.com)
I don’t dislike small spaces. When I was young, I had a bookshelf headboard, with sliding doors on it. Between the head of the mattress, and the wall, under the bookshelf part of the headboard, was a space. I used to crawl under the bed, and I could sit up in the space. I had my favorite books in there, and I loved the protected feeling I had there. I also used to play in my closet (as long as the light bulb wasn’t burnt out!) There was a large row of bushes in the backyard of my house, and in the summer the leaves made the branches heavy enough that they bent over, making a hidden “cave” that we loved playing in, too.
I still get the urge sometimes to crawl into a small space and hide. I have developed a sort of “meditation” where I close my eyes and imagine myself in a gray box, and all the sounds I hear are coming from a speaker in the box, they are just piped in, and I am totally alone. It makes it very easy to detach myself from what is going on around me. I used to use it at work on really bad days when I got a few minutes to myself. (Usually outside sitting on the end of the sidewalk smoking a cigarette.)
What I really need to work on is the panicked feeling I get when I feel like I can’t move, or can’t get out of somewhere. That fear hits me in bad traffic. It hits me when I am at work, sometimes. It even hits me sometimes when someone is too close to my face for to long, like when Rick kisses me for a long time and doesn’t back off at all. I feel like I am being held down, or something. That is the part that really bothers me. It's suffocating. I don’t know anyone else like that… I have never heard of that at all…what kind of fruit loop feels like that? May be the reason that I was the only sub that I ever knew that never got into bondage…
posted by Amethyst Rising at 4:18 PM
2 Comments:
I think that you may have what so many Americans have these days including myself sometimes: the feeling of being over burdened, tied down, held in place against your will. It could be something manifesting itself as a direct result of your life situation, or something that just happened in your life that you cannot control.
People weren't meant to live the way we do in this society. It's like the Dalai Lama says:
"It is fascinating. In the West, you have bigger homes, yet smaller families; you have endless conveniences - yet you never seem to have any time. You can travel anywhere in the world, yet you don't bother to cross the road to meet your neighbours. I don't think people have become more selfish, but their lives have become easier and that has spoilt them. They have less resilience, they expect more, they constantly compare themselves to others and they have too much choice - which brings no real freedom.”
Great quote... And it't true, we crave more private space around us to keep other people out of our personal space...
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