Misc.
There are days when I don’t trust myself to write because any admission of emotional or mental pain just sounds like whining. Those seem to be the days I really need to write, though.
I found a checklist of 10 things that are warning signs for depression, and it said if 5 or more were present it was probably depression – I answered yes to 8 of them. *Sigh*
Again, the weekly paper came out, and unless you are a CNA or a truck driver there are no jobs available. I checked the papers from the surrounding counties, and the same story applies.
I have really thought about going to truck driving school. Can you see me being a truck driver? It would keep me from going crazy being stuck in a building all day. I would love it, I think, until the roads were icy, or driving through a city in rush hour traffic. I don’t think that is what I am supposed to do, although what I am supposed to be doing seems to be eluding me.
My sister is moving. It won’t be much different, though, she lives less than 10 miles away and I haven’t seen her since New Year’s Day. Her husband, who had been the under sheriff in Hick County, is going to be an investigator for a police department in a larger town about 100 miles away. I’m happy for him, I know this job had been really running him down. Long story.
It does make me a bit jealous, though, her getting out of here… Again. I really think that staying here is the best for my son, because of his learning disability kids who hadn’t grown up with him would tease him, and I just can’t do that to him. So, I am stuck here, but I can’t seem to find my way here.
Through my reading and meditation I am learning a lot, but I just can’t seem to figure out how it pertains to me, in this place. As long as I am hiding here in my own little world I can pretend things are fine, but I can’t quite blend it with the real world. My spirit would die a quick death if I had to take a job washing dishes, or cleaning motel rooms… I have spent 20+ years doing jobs like that and I just can’t do it anymore. I need to be able to use my brain, my creativity.
So, I am still learning, and meditating, and hoping that when the time is right the right thing for me will appear, or my path will open up to show me what to do next. My unemployment runs out next month.
I did find a place that is taking 2500 word articles on Magic or Pagan related subjects… I thought that maybe combining what I have learned in reading with what I have learned in practice I could maybe try writing something… I don’t know… My writing skills aren’t what they used to be… We will see…
I found a checklist of 10 things that are warning signs for depression, and it said if 5 or more were present it was probably depression – I answered yes to 8 of them. *Sigh*
Again, the weekly paper came out, and unless you are a CNA or a truck driver there are no jobs available. I checked the papers from the surrounding counties, and the same story applies.
I have really thought about going to truck driving school. Can you see me being a truck driver? It would keep me from going crazy being stuck in a building all day. I would love it, I think, until the roads were icy, or driving through a city in rush hour traffic. I don’t think that is what I am supposed to do, although what I am supposed to be doing seems to be eluding me.
My sister is moving. It won’t be much different, though, she lives less than 10 miles away and I haven’t seen her since New Year’s Day. Her husband, who had been the under sheriff in Hick County, is going to be an investigator for a police department in a larger town about 100 miles away. I’m happy for him, I know this job had been really running him down. Long story.
It does make me a bit jealous, though, her getting out of here… Again. I really think that staying here is the best for my son, because of his learning disability kids who hadn’t grown up with him would tease him, and I just can’t do that to him. So, I am stuck here, but I can’t seem to find my way here.
Through my reading and meditation I am learning a lot, but I just can’t seem to figure out how it pertains to me, in this place. As long as I am hiding here in my own little world I can pretend things are fine, but I can’t quite blend it with the real world. My spirit would die a quick death if I had to take a job washing dishes, or cleaning motel rooms… I have spent 20+ years doing jobs like that and I just can’t do it anymore. I need to be able to use my brain, my creativity.
So, I am still learning, and meditating, and hoping that when the time is right the right thing for me will appear, or my path will open up to show me what to do next. My unemployment runs out next month.
I did find a place that is taking 2500 word articles on Magic or Pagan related subjects… I thought that maybe combining what I have learned in reading with what I have learned in practice I could maybe try writing something… I don’t know… My writing skills aren’t what they used to be… We will see…
posted by Amethyst Rising at 1:42 PM
3 Comments:
Best of luck with whatever you choose to do. I hope you will be able to earn money while fulfilling your passions, whatever they may be. When we concentrate on the lack, what we are missing, sometimes we just draw more of that to ourselves. A teacher of mine last year had me write out what I wanted to invite into my life. This list I think helped make space for better things to come my way. Anyway, good luck again. ~ J
Thanks so much... My biggest problem is that I have no idea what I want... Not to be able to put it into words, anyway...
Of course we all have things we would love to do in a perfect world - I would love a book shop, or a Pagan supply shop, or something like that - But those wants don't always translate into the real world very well.
I think maybe there are just turns in my "path" and I can't see past them yet... It will come, I'm sure... One can't live trying to "see through muddy water' forever...LOL
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