Just another Friday
Last night, after lighting the candles, and burning my favorite mix of rosemary and sage, I pulled a tarot card to help me know what direction I need to go next to continue down the path I was meant to be on. The answer was interesting, especially since it agreed with the direction I had felt pulled in to begin with.
It told me that the next part of my journey is a journey I need to travel alone, not relying on anyone else. I should continue with my self-education in magic, and learn to trust my own instincts. That works well with my current relationship. In this relationship I am in control of everything... Rick had put me in the position of being the dominant one. I am already in a sense "traveling alone", making the decisions for the whole family... Not a position that I feel comfortable in, but someone has to do it, right? Just the next step in my evolution, I guess.
I turn 39 next week.
I saw Rhonda today, passed her going down the street. I miss her. Haven't talked to her since before Christmas, sort of been hiding out here in my little world, I guess. Heck, I haven't seen my sister since New Year's Day... She lives 7 miles out of town and works down on Main Street... LOL
I am having a hard time reconciling my life with Rick and my friendship with Rhonda and Al. Al really doesn't like Rick much, thinks he a really nice guy but is about as "worthless as tits on a boar hog" (Al's words, not mine.) I am a different person now than I was this summer... I feel about 20 years older - I don't have the sense that I can go out and do whatever I want anymore... I am married, I can't do that anymore... I can't make a decision for myself, I have to make every decision with Rick in mind. Being "tied down" isn't a good place for me. I feel suffocated, and it's not Rick doing it, I do it to myself.
It told me that the next part of my journey is a journey I need to travel alone, not relying on anyone else. I should continue with my self-education in magic, and learn to trust my own instincts. That works well with my current relationship. In this relationship I am in control of everything... Rick had put me in the position of being the dominant one. I am already in a sense "traveling alone", making the decisions for the whole family... Not a position that I feel comfortable in, but someone has to do it, right? Just the next step in my evolution, I guess.
I turn 39 next week.
I saw Rhonda today, passed her going down the street. I miss her. Haven't talked to her since before Christmas, sort of been hiding out here in my little world, I guess. Heck, I haven't seen my sister since New Year's Day... She lives 7 miles out of town and works down on Main Street... LOL
I am having a hard time reconciling my life with Rick and my friendship with Rhonda and Al. Al really doesn't like Rick much, thinks he a really nice guy but is about as "worthless as tits on a boar hog" (Al's words, not mine.) I am a different person now than I was this summer... I feel about 20 years older - I don't have the sense that I can go out and do whatever I want anymore... I am married, I can't do that anymore... I can't make a decision for myself, I have to make every decision with Rick in mind. Being "tied down" isn't a good place for me. I feel suffocated, and it's not Rick doing it, I do it to myself.
posted by Amethyst Rising at 6:33 PM
2 Comments:
Sometimes being grownup means that we take care of the others around us that are not so grownup. Its hard to take on the responsibility to take care of others but it shows our strength when we do so.
Sometimes being grown up means we admit our weaknesses... Being in charge in a work setting is one of my strong points... Being in charge of other people's lives is one of my weak ones... Rick will turn 49 this year - Sooner or later he needs to grow up, too... I had to... Making a decision wouldn't kill him...
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