Whatever
Stress and depression cause some people to eat. Not me.
When I am liking myself, I give me what I want. Chocolate, and mashed potatoes. When I don't like myself, I don't care whether I get what I want.
I am a control freak. Not necessarily of other people, but of things surrounding me, things that effect me.
When I am depressed and/or stressed, my life is more or less out of my control. The less control I have on the outside, the easier it is to keep stronger control on the inside. Dieting and exercising become the only thing in my life I can control, so I become very good at it.
Does that make any sense at all??
With losing Sir and my job all within a couple of months, I have become very determined to lose weight and get in shape. Not out of health concerns, or to look better, but to prove to myself and others that I can do something right. That I am not a total f***-up.
So, Tae-bo, weight training and South Beach dieting have become the focus of my self discipline.
In the past, every time I have had a major break up, (twice) I have cut off my hair. I am not sure why, maybe it is because my long thick hair has always been a favorite of any man I have dated, and I cut it off because he liked it, or maybe it is the mourning thing, or the symbol of a new beginning. This time I really considered it, but I think I will only have 5" or so cut off. I always feel so un-feminine when I cut it off short, although I know that it probably makes me look a little younger if it is short. Oh well, I'm not trying to attract anyone anymore, right?
Anyway... Sort of a stupid post. I can't seem to write at all anymore, although these "diary" type entries are pretty boring. Maybe my writing muses are on vacation. Maybe they are disgusted with me. I don't know.
When I am liking myself, I give me what I want. Chocolate, and mashed potatoes. When I don't like myself, I don't care whether I get what I want.
I am a control freak. Not necessarily of other people, but of things surrounding me, things that effect me.
When I am depressed and/or stressed, my life is more or less out of my control. The less control I have on the outside, the easier it is to keep stronger control on the inside. Dieting and exercising become the only thing in my life I can control, so I become very good at it.
Does that make any sense at all??
With losing Sir and my job all within a couple of months, I have become very determined to lose weight and get in shape. Not out of health concerns, or to look better, but to prove to myself and others that I can do something right. That I am not a total f***-up.
So, Tae-bo, weight training and South Beach dieting have become the focus of my self discipline.
In the past, every time I have had a major break up, (twice) I have cut off my hair. I am not sure why, maybe it is because my long thick hair has always been a favorite of any man I have dated, and I cut it off because he liked it, or maybe it is the mourning thing, or the symbol of a new beginning. This time I really considered it, but I think I will only have 5" or so cut off. I always feel so un-feminine when I cut it off short, although I know that it probably makes me look a little younger if it is short. Oh well, I'm not trying to attract anyone anymore, right?
Anyway... Sort of a stupid post. I can't seem to write at all anymore, although these "diary" type entries are pretty boring. Maybe my writing muses are on vacation. Maybe they are disgusted with me. I don't know.
posted by Amethyst Rising at 4:48 AM
5 Comments:
I've always cut my hair every time my relationships end or get very rocky. The last time I got it cut so short they had to shave my neck. Anyone that knows me can tell how I'm doing emotionally by the condition of my hands and my houseplants.
Hugs
Wow, and I thought I was just strange... LOL
I had it cut to my ears in 2001 and it's almost to my waist now. I am definantly getting at least 5" cut off.
Think of it as a spruce up. Think of it as something to make YOU feel better. I walk when I'm stressed in my personal life. I haven't walked in a while. I just can't seem to find the time right now, especially when it gets dark at 4:30. I'm also not a fan of cold. Probably why I live down South. You can tell my mental health by my fingers/cuticles. I chew them when I'm stressed. Or pick my toes. Eeewww. Sorry.
I hope all is getting better for you. Being a fitness freak is not really a bad thing, especially if it makes you feel better about yourself. You're not a f***up. You're you. It doesn't matter what small minds think. Peace in your heart A. That is what matters.
It doesn't really make me feel better... it is just a way to keep my mind busy thinking of things other than the things that bother me...
Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I really appreciate it. It's just that the "small mind" is my own.
Hey, girl. I do the same thing (cutting my hair!) It does feel liberating. Then I regret it a couple months later. I also get in better shape, more disciplined. I'm a control freak, too! I know what you mean about daily posts, etc. I think the writing is a good exercise in itself, therapeutic, too. When you are expressing anything authentic, I am always "entertained" but that's the wrong word. Interested, empathetic?
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